I can't explain how nice it is to no longer be pregnant. With Emery I had a little nesting and could clean, I was able to do stuff around the house or go shopping and go to bed around 9 or 10 each night.
I guess chasing around a little rascal who isn't wasn't quite two had me exhausted this go round. I would put Emery to bed at 7pm and off to bed I went and would sleep a full 12 hours. The next day I was just so tired but could never nap and by the time daddy went to work I was ready for bed. I would literally count down until 6:30 to start putting Emery to bed so I could take a bath and go to bed.
The guilt was rough, I knew that another day had passed and I was too tired and anxious for bed that I was missing out on those precious nights alone with just him. Yes he needed sleep and if he didn't go to bed on time he was a hellion the next day, but those would be the final nights of my first baby snuggles. Now she is here and he's suddenly this big boy.
I always felt horrible because Jake did most of the cleaning then. My belly would hurt so bad bending over that I had a hard time unloading the dishwasher. Loading it would make sick because I hate slimy dishes and it was so much worse being pregnant. Making any meal was a chore and Jake did a lot of that too. It seems any activity just made my belly ache, the muscles literally felt like they were ripping apart and it hurt to move. Add in a stiff sore back and a pelvis that desperately needed a chiropractic adjustment and I wanted to do nothing but just sit and relax. I felt like the laziest thing in the world and I hated every minute of it.
Now that Abby is here things are much easier. I have been cleaning, baking, cooking. I feel productive and it's wonderful. I love being able to throw some bread in the oven, bake some treats, load the dishwasher, get a couple loads of laundry washed and dried, the kitchen cleaned up, the bathroom cleaned up, the kids bathed. I sit down and feel like superwoman for having been productive. Seems though that even those days are few and far between. I have this little miss who is nothing like her brother. She loves mama time and just wants to be held and nurse. I try to put her down but after a few minutes she is crying. I'm not hardcore into AP but I do know that letting her cry isn't going to help. She doesn't seem to be the kind who will fuss it out and even then she is still too young.
So this mama sucks it up. I know the dishes can wait till the next morning, the bread isn't necessary because Emery and I are the only ones who will eat it and treats, yup they head straight to my rear end and with 5lbs to go to pre-pregnancy weight I certainly don't need to be baking. I have a Moby and I wear her but sometimes it just doesn't work to wear her. I'm trying to eliminate chemical loaded cleaning products but until I can buy a big stash of Essential Oils I have the yucky stuff. I can't wear her while I clean the bathroom with that crap floating in the air, I can't wear her while cooking something hot and certainly not bending over to load the dishwasher so I'm not smacking her head on the drawers. I just miss feeling productive. I have to set that all aside, sit and have a pep talk that I AM BEING PRODUCTIVE.
I am nourishing my baby. I am her one and only source of nourishment and I am making her grow big and healthy. All those snuggles are building up that bond that she can trust her mama and know that I will always be there to meet her needs. These days will be gone by so quickly, 6 weeks has flown by already. So I will savor that soft fuzzy head, her smacking her lips for the good stuff, laying her hand on my chest as she suckles away and the way her little toes curl when I stroke her skin as she nurses. I won't get these days back and I have the entire future to clean and cook.
I love looking back to the beginning and to where I am now. I am so much happier to have her out of that big ol' belly and be able to smooch on her.