I look at Emery and he is growing so fast. His little chubby face has thinned out into a little boys, his once velvety bald head has long blonde wispy hair that makes him look like a dandelion and an attitude like nobody's business.
I love this stage, watching him learn, say new words, discover how things work. Just in complete awe of the world but at the same time my heart breaks that he is less of my baby.
I look at him sometimes and just squeeze him in a hug knowing that my baby who is still part baby, is going to be a big brother in a few short months. Though he will always be my baby, he will technically no longer be the baby.
He loves his daddy SO incredibly much. He shouts for joy when daddy gets home from work, when he wakes up and sees daddy, the snuggles and all the goofy boy games daddy plays with him just makes him fall more and more in love with daddy. Sometimes I feel so unneeded unless he is hurt and he runs to mommy for loves.
Last night however the cries started. Not his usual fussy-uncomfortable-in-the-middle-of-the-night cries, but a hard hurt crying. I get up and comfort him and he curls his little body into mine, tucks his perfect soft face against my neck and I hear his little sobs fade into deep sleepy sounds as his breaths make my neck warm. I'm mama and he needs me still even if he is a big boy now.
He told me he was ready for nigh' night and I laid him back down on his pillow and covered him up after I smooched on his soft little cheeks and told him how much I loved him.
We went through this 4 more times. I think maybe he had a tummy ache but he just was having a hard time sleeping . I finally brought him into bed with me and let him sleep on daddy's side. He had his own little pillow and I separated little sister in my belly from his feet with daddy's pillow. I was a little worried he might fall off but he just laid there calmly, rolled towards me, asked for a hug, puckered his little lips for a kiss and gave me his hand. He grabbed onto my finger just like when he was a brand new infant and didn't let go even after his hug and kiss good night. He just held my hand, taking comfort in knowing that mama was there and he could sleep tight. He blissfully fell into slumber. For that moment, he was my little baby and not so much my little boy and my heart was overwhelmed. I needed that little reminder more than either of us will ever know.
I sit here watching him keep reach over to give Ethan hug after hug after hug and knowing that he is going to be a wonderful big brother. Even if he is still my baby and half big boy, he is going to embrace the role and make me so proud of the little big boy he is becoming.