Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Overwhelmed x's a bunch..

I have so much to do. (Mind you this is a lengthy post.)

-Make a bigger sling for my chunky boy.
-Unload the dishwasher again.
-Feed baby.
-Feed baby and keep him from fussing.
-Labeling our 35 pages of neglect photos with the dates and who took them. 35pages x's 3pics on each page = 105 labels.
-Labeling our who even knows how many pages of "mom of the years" party/drunken/idiot pictures of where we got them and the dates.
-Pray that after ALL this prep work that the judge doesn't dismiss any of our evidence and all that work has went down the drain.
-Feed baby.
-Attempt to eat dinner.
-Give baby a bath.
-Take a shower.
-Find more mystery shops to do and look for jobs on craigslist.
-Go to bed before 10 or 11 and not lay there worrying all night.

I'm terrified for court. Thursday we have our Motion to Compel trial. Her lawyer threatened us months ago to return the Interrogatories within one week instead of the 30 days stated in the paperwork that we had. He was able to do this because we hadn't gotten the first set of them because we hadn't updated our address with the court so a month had already passed. Instead of giving us the month from when we actually got them he gave us a week. We didn't want to pay his attorney fees so I stayed up late how many nights 9 months pregnant and exhausted to get it done.

We requested the same information from him and he was PISSED OFF. However he agreed that we deserved the information from them as well (dumbass, it's a law that they have to return it if requested). We had it done in a week for them and he agreed to have theirs returned the following Friday. Mind you we had 46 pages of interrogatories to fill out and will all the requested information we ended up with more than 400 pages of paperwork for them.

It has been 2 1/2 months and they have not returned the information to us. Her lawyer said that they have no evidence all they have is a financial declaration. Mind you she has never worked a job in her 27 years of life and only gets child support. ONE SECTION to fill out and some questions on how she thinks she is the better parent. That takes 2 1/2 months to return when I had ours done in 7 days. REALLY?! REALLLLY?!?

So we have court on Thursday because we had to file a motion with the court to order them to provide us with this information since they aren't following the Court Rules and having it returned when stated. They do this simply so that they waste more time and keep trying to have the trial continued so she keeps them in her custody a little while longer.

Lemme state that she is scared of losing them because of everything we have against her. I'll have to go into detail after court is over. However she just got engaged. To a guy she met at a bar. 2 months ago. Who broke up with her because he wasn't interested. They've been back together a month and engaged. He has been around the boys 4 times. I repeat FOUR times and she is going to marry him. How do you know what type a person he is and how he will treat your kids when the newness of the relationship wears off?! IDIOT!

Who cares, more power to her if she found someone to put up with her ghetto ass and rotting teeth. I just hope he doesn't knock her up because what's he going to do when she is online all day, not cleaning the house, wailing on their kid, leaving the kid in a diaper so long that he has bloody diaper rashes every week? Leaving the baby in a corral she has made from gates with his mattress in it and drinking rotten milk because she won't make new bottles and chokes because the infant is just handed chicken nuggets to gnaw on or when she leaves the kid in the bathtub for 2 hours because she's online and forgets he's in there. He's got a reality check coming to him if he knocks her up. I feel sooo bad thinking any child will have to be born from her and suffer like our boys. I'm hoping that this is all a ploy for court. To make it look like they're going to move in and be a family instead of her living with her mom, dad, uncle, older brother and her two kids. I hope the court sees through her charades.

Even more scary than that is our Trial is Monday. The big day as to whether we can win custody or not. If the judge has any common sense to see how neglectful and selfish she is. I pray that she realizes how much better off the boys are not in her custody and they can start living normal lives. That Nathan can live and act like an 8 year old and not the mentality of a brainwashed little boy. 

I'm so scared that if we don't get custody how far this will spiral downward. That Nathan will still be wetting the bed every night until he's a teenager, that Ethan will still be put in diapers when he's 7 just like she did with Nathan. That Ethan will have bloody diaper rashes every week and wearing too small of clothes. That they won't have proper sleeping arrangements and a mother who leaves them home alone to go to a party. Not only do I worry about their safety but what it's going to do to my relationship.

If I'm going to spend another year and more with someone who is constantly stressed for his kids. So stressed that he doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, hears me but doesn't remember what I just said because he is off in la-la land. So stressed that he doesn't think about holding my hand or doing the little things for our relationship that really matters. 

All of this is so hard and stressful. I'm ready for a normal family life. With healthy happy kids, fun weekends, a loving non stressed boyfriend who can focus on his relationship a little more, watching my little Emery grow up with brothers who live with him and can be positive role models. I hope the judge listens and cares and puts those boys where THEY deserve to be. The place that is in the best interest for them.

Sunday, May 29, 2011


Emery fights sleep like it's no ones business. He is making me INSANE. He's sooo tired but won't sleep in his swing, won't sleep in his bed, doesn't want to sleep in the car. He just wants to sleep on mama or daddy and we are far too busy with court exhibits and preparation to sit here and rock him all day. Such a bad habit to start.

I finally just nursed him even though I doubt he was all that hungry after 4oz of bottle and swaddled him as best as I could in the little blanket. (They need to make receiving blankets a lot bigger for the kids that are healthy chunks and too long for the small ones). I stuck him in the swing and draped a blanket over the top of it so he can't stare around. (Thank you sister for the tip!) I also made sure that there was plenty of air flow so he doesn't suffocate. Hopefully that does the trick.

Now I need to eat lunch and figure out how to print these damn labels for all our exhibits for court. It keeps saying our paper isn't the right size but we've followed all the directions on the Avery website. 

Between Emery and label making I may not have any hair left on my head tonight. *counts to ten*

Monday, May 23, 2011

wtheck blogger?!

My tags are getting all messed up. 2 older posts are showing as new. I don't know if anyone can even see the blog because I've had no comments. I'm not sure what's happening!

Dear Emery, 1 Month

Yesterday my little monster turned 1 month old. Where has the time gone?! Pretty soon I have to go back to work and i have no freakin idea how I'm gonna do it. Jake is an amazing, wonderful, patient and loving daddy but sometimes we do things differently and the control freak mommy in me wants it done a certain way. I have to learn to let go because he will be perfectly fine! My locker at work will be plastered with pictures of him but i'll be sad to be missing his happy smiley self in the morning. We'll post a few stats. -drinks 4-5 oz at every bottle feeding which is the 2 times at night and whenever i have to pump so we can run errands. -usually sleeps 4hours at a time -has to be bounced on daddy's lap to get the tough burps out. -has started to reach for things. I'll be nursing and talking to him and he'll reach for my face and put his hand on my cheek. -Loves to smile when you talk to him. He always grins when I tell him he's so handsome or that his diaper is pee-yew. -he knows mama's voice and smiles. -can roll himself from his belly to back during tummy time.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Well Mama is sick.

Whenever I start to get sick I immediately go to the doctor the next day. I refuse to suffer for very long. They always try to not give me antibiotics and it makes me mad. I KNOW it's going to get worse. It's not like antibiotics are addictive sheesh.

Thankfully the doctor today was sooo nice. Most talkative male doctor I've ever met. He said that since I have a history of strep throat and sinus infections he was going to take my word and give me some antibiotics. THANK YOU DR. HUBBARD.

The last thing I want is for Emery to get sick. I'm thankful that I'm breastfeeding/pumping so that when I'm sick or anyone else my body makes antibodies against that sickness and it protects him. 

Jake showed up with Ethan and of course he is sick with a snotty nose. I understand sickness happens but these kids are always freaking sick. She is so filthy and I GUARANTEE she does not make them wash their hands or anything of the sort at their house. Add to the fact that they're always in dirty clothes I again GUARANTEE that she doesn't wash their bedding. Oh wait, Nathan sleeps on a couch in his own urine every night so there is no bedding to wash there. I wanna slap her silly. Not only are her children suffering when they're always sick because she can't provide proper nutrition, sleep or a clean environment, their sickness then is brought to our house and I now have an infant. An infant that I do NOT want getting sick. His poor little body doesn't need to go through that his first month in the world. 

I Lysol'ed everything down this afternoon and am keeping Emery on lock down. The boys aren't allowed near him. No touching him or giving him kisses good night. Call my a control freak or whatever but I choose to keep him as safe as possible for as long as possible and the last thing Jake and I want is to be up allllll night because we have a sick little one who can't sleep or breathe and is fussy. Not happening. She won't take them to the doctor so I know that Friday morning we'll be taking them both to the doctor.

Lets hope this all clears up soon before my little baby gets it.

More pictures :)

Someday he won't like mama's smooches, but for now he'll take em <3
Emery and his new swim trunks.

My handsome boys.

Snuggled up in his sling.

Rockin' his shades just like big brudder Ethan.

Trip to the park.

"Mama your cheesey face is too much"

2nd family picture..ever.

Cutest Site Ever

I can't wait to explore it more and maybe make my lame-o page look much nicer! Check it out.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Photo Flip Book

I need captions for these. They all crack me up, it's like he was thinking evil thoughts and found himself hilarious...here they are!

just because...

This video cracks me up everytime!
Ignore my fat face in this picture. We ran around alllll day and I didn't feel like putting makeup on and didn't have time to flat iron my hair as we ran to take care of court crap.

its 3:30 am

and I'm posting a blog.

I wasn't able to last week because blogger had a massive meltdown for like two days. I got one typed on my phone and then it made me force close and I lost it so I said eff it. 

Also Jake has been on vacation so I've tried to avoid much time on the computer and spend time with him and my baby boy. Add in the fact that we've had SO SO SO much court shit to deal with. This coming week I'll be busy preparing our exhibits. Over 50 pictures of neglect, 75 pages of her Facebook/Myspace status' that have incriminating evidence and 80+ pages of medical documents. The shit never ends, I can't wait till this allll over and we can just enjoy our life and not be making weekly trips to the courthouse and stressing me out when they demand other crap. Pro Se is HARD work but it'll be rewarding to know we've done it all ourselves and no lawyer.

Emery is constantly changing and I feel like I'll forget everything if I don't blog it.

Lately he's been trying really hard to talk, he'll make his little baby noises as we talk to him but he's still trying to figure it out. Though I know once he starts he won't stop. 

He's been sleeping 6-7 hours. So nice! 

I think he's going through a growth spurt because he's constantly eating lately.

At our WIC appointment he was 21 3/4" long and weighed 11lb 5oz. The lady was very impressed with his weight gain even though I was a little worried that he's going to be HUGE. She said that's perfect as breastfeeding weight goes on much quicker and goes away quicker as it is a healthy fat they put on compared to formula fed babies who gain weight slower and then it's not as easy to get off when they become mobile.

He still loves to look around except you have to hold him. He's only content sitting up on the couch like a big boy for about 10 minutes and then wants held to look around.

He's smiling like crazy and I'm always trying to catch it on the camera. 

I have pictures to post but I hate dealing with the cord and upload crap. Plus we have no photo editor so it's a PIMA to fix any pictures and when I do it doesn't want to make a second copy to edit and just edit's the original. DUMB!

Tomorrow(today since it's 3:30am) is Ethan's 3rd birthday party. Mind you his birthday was April 30th. The weekend we tried for it seemed Jake's family had stuff going on, so we tried for the next weekend and had thunderstorms predicted, when the day arrived it was GORGEOUS and sunny. Go figure it's played out that way for who knows how many. So we stuck with today rain or shine. Go figure again that it said sunshine for a week now and is now predicting thunderstorms. Soooo stupid. We got his cake from Costco. SO EXCITED for some of that damn cake. I wanted to bust into it numerous times today.

When I was pregnant I didn't crave sweets, I'm really usually not a sweets person but since I've had him I really want crap. Like cookies which I've made like 4 batches of since he's been born. I want brownies but I'd eat the whole pan to myself and feel like a fatty and now I want cake.

I feel like I've gained weight back since I was down to 6lbs heavier than prepregnancy. I feel like I eat way too much, especially because Jake eats barely anything so I feel especially fat. But at the WIC appointment I stepped on the scale and the lady said WOW! Then she asked numerous times to make sure that I wasn't dieting. I kept telling her no, no diet. I feel like I eat too much but I know that it's necessary to have enough milk production and feed my little one.

I need to make sure I start eating healthier and I have been trying. More salads and protein and trying to avoid the carbs as much. I LOVE CARBS! It's hard.

Anyway enough of that, I'm pumping and the bottle is too full and came squirting out the little whole to prevent damage when it's too full and ran all down my leg. We're going to be cleaning couches and the floors soon. 

Oh anddd my work wont' work with me on hours because I'm not flexible enough. I had an interview today/yesterday at a Salon and Spa. 50% commission. No set hours, basically on call until they get the clientele as they just opened 2 weeks ago. But some money is better than none so I'm trying. Keeping an eye out for other jobs meanwhile. Hopefully I'll get it, it'll be nice to have something to keep me in the beauty industry and be able to move up.

I'm off to bed now, gotta get those zzz's for the big day tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Ugh frustration!

My Sallie Mae payment is due May 26. I still owe my mom for my student loan that is in her name. I have about 1/2 of it. I spent over an hour trying to navigate their web page to see what deferments I'm eligible for. Last year I had it deferred for a year so I could get my other things payed off since credit cards cannot be deferred. Well I got them all paid off within that year but also had a baby within that year. 

I have to go to work SOON but how the eff am I supposed to know what I can work when we have court dates all the time that I have to go to, along with a 3 day trial and then who knows if we'll get the boys?! I mean I already have to tell them I can only work till 1 and 1:30 at very latest because Jake has to leave for work at 2:20. I will NOT put Emery in daycare. There have been 38+ infant/toddler deaths this year in the state from abuse/neglect. I will NOT risk my child's life. I also, as much as I love his parents will not let them watch him for 4 hours everyday. They are heavy smokers and it's just too much secondhand smoke for him and seeps into all of our baby stuff. I love them dearly but his health is my main concern.

I told Jake that when I go back to work one whole check will basically go to student loans and so then I'm only contributing about 300 dollars a month to the household. He said we'll have to do something and I asked what and he of course had no ideas. So that means the days he has off I'll be working a full shift and he'll have all 3 boys to deal with. I'll also only get 3 hours in the evening before bedtime with my baby. I will no longer have any free days to go to lake, to do family stuff or even take a mini vacation this summer to Montana or Seattle. Oh frickin well.

I called my manager and have to go meet with her at 1:30 to talk about getting me back to work and hopefully she is willing to work with me. This is so hard and I've lost it about 3 times today. I tried to defer my loan for just a couple months so that I can get back to work and be able to make those payments. I'm so frustrated with the entire situation. There is so much constantly on my mind but it's nothing I can speak. Things that are said can never ever be taken back so instead I'll just deal with bitterness inside.

Maybe somewhere someone has me as a long lost relative and will inherit me a million dollars...or I can find a winning lotto ticket on the ground. One can wish right?

Monday, May 9, 2011

Can someone please tell me why

I barely produce milk from the left side. I get almost twice the amount of milk from the right side than I do the left.

I've tried pumping on the left side longer than the left to increase the supply but nothing. Increased my water intake, doesn't even out. I've tried drinking a beer and it increases everything but not enough to match up.

I pumped in 20 minutes maybe two oz's from the left side and in almost 5 minutes of pumping on the right side I got 3 oz. I just do not understand!

Sad day for Emery and Mama

Today Emery got circumcised. It was heartbreaking. 

They said we could stay with him or wait outside and they'd come get us. Who doesn't stay in there at least one person?! Jake I knew couldn't because he gets supppper queasy about that kind of stuff. Obviously I wasn't going to leave my baby alone strapped to a table, he needed someone there to touch him and talk to him.

So they strapped him down and cleaned him up, gave his little shot and then went about it. I couldn't watch all of it but I saw a few parts. He said he couldn't feel any pain just pressure and tugging. At one point I saw SHOCK on his face and he got stiff and started crying, the sugar water didn't help that. I almost lost it. I got choked up and just kept rubbing his cheek and telling him he was being such a good boy and it'd be done in just a minute.

I tried breastfeeding him afterwards but he kept stopping to cry and choking on the milk. I felt so terrible putting him through it. He just kept fussing and fussing even though they numbed it. We immediately went to walmart to get some baby Tylenol. 

Thankfully he's been sleeping most of the time. He slept from the doctors to the store to home, to daddy's chest. Then he ate for daddy. I know he hurts because usually he keeps his hands up by his face or on his chest and since the procedure he's kept them balled up and down next to his legs. He didn't want to breastfeed again so I made him a bottle and sat him up on a pillow and boppy and fed him and now he's sleeping. I hope he'll sleep good all day and tonight and hopefully the pain will start to cease. I just want him to feel better ASAP. I just wanna cuddle him but he keeps tossing himself around and fussing so I'll just leave him how he's comfortable.

He also weighed 10lbs 5oz today. He's gained almost 2 lbs since birth. He'll be a month on Thursday. Mama makes good milk! He also grew 3/4" and from what I've read most babies grow 1/4" a month. He's gonna be a tall boy like his daddy.

Mama loves you Emery and I'm so so sorry I put you through that, I hope you feel better soon.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Emery slept from 8:30pm to 2:30am. I got up and got him all taken care of and back to bed and then off to pump. I was spacing out and noticed flowers on the table. Aww. He's the best! and he always gets the best cards which I find amusing since he was anti-cards until we met and I stressed the importance of such a small gesture to anyone.

We ran some errands and went to his mom's house. Back home to relax for a bit and then off to work he went.

Emery ate and got put down for a nap and I got a few things tidied up in the house and the box in the bathroom that has been sitting there since we moved in Feb 11th finally got put away! I'm now baking some chocolate chip cookies and enjoying my day with my handsome little man.

Last year I was told I couldn't have babies and a short year later and I have the cutest dude I ever did see! I am so blessed!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day, especially my mom because she works so hard. She has always worked so hard to give us the best. We never went without and she's given us so much. Love, life lessons, a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, the list goes on. I love you very much mom.

Anddd a first Mother's Day to my little sister. We both get to be mommies to the cutest little things and it's nice to have one day just remind us how lucky we are.

Saturday, May 7, 2011


Birth Story

For two weeks prior to having Emery I was having contractions mostly in the evenings. Jake had been telling me that Emery needed to come one day after we dropped Ethan off (1pm). We tried telling Emery that and he just wasn't ready. A week came and went and daddy had to go to work.

Wednesday April 13th we dropped him off and on the drive home I had a couple contractions. As we got home they got more frequent. Jake pulled up a contraction timer online and we used that. They were 4-7 minutes apart. They felt different than they had the few nights before, stronger and took my breath away. I told Jake I didn't think he should go to work. He said that if this wasn't it he couldn't make up these hours and he wanted to go in. I said OK and got in the bath. They were getting to be 4-6 minutes apart and quite painful. I was trying to breathe through them as best as possible but I felt a loss of control as I was by myself, I wanted someone there with me and some encouragement or someone to focus me a little better.

I texted Jake and told him I was ready to go to the hospital and wanted him to come home. He told me that he couldn't make up the hours if this wasn't the real deal. That made me emotional and I told him I didn't care to just get home.

I finished packing my bag quick and waited for him to get home. He hadn't even clocked in at work yet.

We got to the hospital at about 3:30 and thankfully they had a wheel chair. I felt absolutely ridiculous being pushed around by Jake but it was SO convenient to not have to walk. I could just sit and breathe through the contractions. They had me sign paperwork at the desk and then I went into a room, they monitored my contractions. I think I was a 4 or 5 at that point. I don't remember because I was in my own little world trying to focus. The pain kind of blurred it. They admitted me and off to my room I went.

We got to the room and they got me into the tub. It was sooo hot but it really helped with the contractions. It was a little too warm and I started getting a headache so I got out. They put in my IV and I got into bed. At some point I asked for a little medicine of some kind just to take the edge off as I still wanted to try my hypnobirthing. The medicine was great but only lasted 45 minutes of the hour they told me. The contractions started getting way worse and I was getting even more nauseous.

I don't remember if I threw up a second time or not but I ended up asking for the epidural. He was in another room and would be with my shortly. By then I had prepared myself for it and wanted him there NOW. He got there and they had me sit on the edge of the bed and lean forward. Jake came over and sat in front of me and I was holding his arms. Actually his wrists. I was squeezing so hard on his vein in his wrists that he started to get woozy. They asked if he was OK and he said yes. They told him to go lay down before he passes out and with as tall as he is he'd likely whack his head on something and then have to leave me to go to the ER. He said the thought of me in pain and me squeezing made him woozy. Thankfully I focused and was able to sit there by myself and get it. It didn't hurt at all, maybe because of the pain I'd already been dealing with.

They got me dosed up and I got to lay back and just relax a little. I don't even know where the time went. I was at a 5 for quite awhile. I guess Jake had been texting my family and was a little worried that we had stalled out. He took so much in from our class that he knew what to expect. I think the epidural relaxed me too much and it made me stall.

Shelley (my midwife) came in sometime and I had a bulging bag of waters. She asked if I wanted her to break it and I told her no. Even though I had gotten an epidural I still wanted everything to be as natural as possible, I wasn't going to risk anything regarding my baby and being pushed into something. Later that evening I wanted her to but she said she was just going to wait until the morning. They ended up just letting us sleep. I had my little puke hat and puked in that a few times. My headache was turning into a migraine because I hadn't eaten since breakfast when I had 2 pieces of peanut butter toast and had thrown that up at home. I didn't want apple juice and chicken broth wasn't helping. I told my nurse I needed protein because that's all that helps when my blood sugar drops and I start to get a migraine. I told her I had brought snacks and could I have a cheese stick. She didn't want to do that but offered me some peanut butter. She got a heap on a spoon and I had a few nibbles of it. Within an hour my headache was gone. I snoozed for about 30 minutes at a time. I was getting uncomfortable. I wanted to lay on my sides but then the epidural would go to that side and my other side would start to feel everything. My legs were numb, my left leg almost uncomfortably so. My legs would be on the bed and I'd have to ask Jake and the nurse to put my left leg back onto the bed numerous times during my stay. I don't know how but it kept creeping its way to the edge and slipping off. I was stuck to my back and since I'd been sitting in that position for hours all the blood pooled. My back felt like a giant bruise and it hurt to sit. I wanted to move and get a back rub but nothing helped. I probably called the nurses station 10+ times to come in and help me move. I tried each side about 5 times and nothing helped. I was limited to my back, laying partially down, trying to sit as upright as I could...it was the most awful part of the entire labor.

I slowly started progressing and at 8:30 am Shelley came in and broke my water. She told the nurse that there was meconium. She put a tube inside that went up beside the baby and was flushing saline in to rinse out any excess meconium so there wouldn't be aspiration. I knew that this meant they'd have to watch him carefully. She basically told me that. I asked if she'd be able to wait for the cord to stop pulsing before she cut it or if it had to be done right away. She told me they wouldn't be able to do that as they'd need to get him to the NICU nurses. I asked whatever other questions I had and had prepared myself that I wouldn't get to hold him immediately. She told us that our baby would be here in a few hours.

I had to wait for my contractions to get 1-2 minutes apart which took forever. I started feeling more pain in my belly and the anesthesiologist came in to dose me. The epidural wasn't strong enough. It took about 3 different doses to get me comfortable and once she got it I was flying. I was able to lay on my side finally and I felt soooo good. I wished it had been that way the entire time so I hadn't been on my back for so long. She gave me nausea medicine and that helped so I just laid there with a cool rag on my head waiting for my baby.

I felt pressure down there and mentioned that maybe his head was down there and it'd be soon. Jake said probably not. Shelley came in a few minutes later and I mentioned it and she said she'd check me quick. She had me put my leg up and sat down. She immediately told me she didn't even have to check me as she saw his head and said it was time to push.

She got the NICU nurses in there and got all gowned up. Jake's sister Jess held my left leg and Jake held my right. They had to tell him about 3 times to hold my leg but he was so caught in the moment he just kept putting his hand on my leg. I finally had to grab his hand and put it under my leg for him. I couldn't even feel my contractions, the nurse and Shelley had to tell me when to push. I got to reach down and feel his head. Jake was surprised I had done that. 8 pushes and he was out. 12:53 pm on April 14th. Supposedly at one point Shelley said something about his shoulders but I must have missed it in my world of focusing. There was no burning ring of fire like I was told and thankfully everything was in tact. No tears and no episiotomy. WHEW!

They showed him to me, cut his cord and off to the NICU nurses he went. Apparently meconium hardens to tar so they have to suck it out very quickly. I watched as they stuck the little syringe and tube down his throat to suck it all out. I did really well not getting emotional and crying because I knew they were helping him and that I'd get to hold him soon. At one point they were trying to get him to breathe and putting a mask on him. I started to get worried and then they said they had to take him to the NICU to regulate his breathing. Jake almost lost it at this point. They told him to go and he was torn. He thought he should stay with me but needed to go with the baby. I knew I'd be fine and didn't want Emery alone so I told him to go. Babies are supposed to breathe 60 breaths per minute or less and he was breathing over 100. He was trying to so hard to breath but it was taxing his little body so that is why they had to use the CPAP. The nurses can only have him in the room for 12 minutes and if its not regulated by that time they have to take them up to NICU.

An hour later daddy came back down with Emery and I finally got to hold and love on my baby. They finished his paperwork and got us ready to move to our antepartum room. As we were rolling down the hall we got to stop by the desk and the nurse told Jake to push the little white button on the wall. Jake pushed it and throughout the birthing floor these little chimes went off to tell everyone another little baby had been born. I had been waiting months and then hours to hear that for Emery. I got so teary and emotional over that one little gesture!

We got to relax and snuggle our baby. I got to breast feed and later that evening he got his first bath and his shot. The nurses were so wonderful!

The next day was a whirlwind of people. Insurance people, the people to do his hearing test, the lady for his social security card and birth certificate, his PKU test, nurses, his pediatrician, my other midwife etc. Finally we got checked out at 2:30 just in time to go directly to Nathan's school and pick him up. Then home to relax. We were so happy to have our baby home.

Hopefully I got it all and may have to update if I remember things as the time was very very fuzzy. I'm so thankful that I had a very easy delivery. I didn't get to do it completely natural as the puking was really hard to focus on breathing through everything and I'd have been too exhausted to go all the way. However I didn't have my membranes stripped, I didn't let them induce me, I didn't get pitocin or anything to help with contractions. I didn't have to cry or scream and even though Emery went to the NICU he was perfectly healthy in every way and had only needed a little help with his breathing. We are so glad to finally have our little man home and we are completely smitten with him!

Mama's Favorites

-Your big blue eyes.
-The way you stare at me when I feed you.
-Your smile.
-Your smile after I smooch on your cheeks a hundred times all at once.
-When you flick your tongue out because you're hungry.
-The clicking noise you make with your mouth when you're hungry.
-How completely handsome you are when wearing blue.
-The way you stare around and take in EVERYTHING when you're fed and clean.
-How adorable your little naked belly is and your new belly button.
-How peaceful you look when you're asleep. I just want to kiss your face off but I don't dare wake you up.

I could go on and on. I don't want you to keep growing bigger but I'm curious to see what other adorable things you'll do that will make me fall in love with you over and over everyday. Mama loves you!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

3 Weeks

My Handsome Emery,

Today you are 3 weeks. You are growing SO fast. I wish it would slow down because I'm going to miss all your cuddles when you start getting all active.

You seem to hate laying on your back or side unless you're asleep. I think you are going to be like your cousin Hadley and so curious. You like to look around and be able to see everything.

You have gotten SO noisy. You're always grunting and growling. Yesterday at court I decided I better take you in the hall so that we weren't going to disturb anyone if you got noisy. Was a good call for mommy and daddy because you started getting really noisy and everyone in the hall was smirking. You then proceeded to barf all over me, right between the boobs and down my belly. 

You have become a very gassy baby. I have special bottles that keep the air out but you still get massive farts. The other night you were farting for 3 minutes non stop and making all your silly noises in your sleep. You were so loud you woke me up. Daddy had just got home from work and come into the room and was cracking up because it was that ridiculous. We got you some Mylicon and it's seemed to have helped a lot. I need to see how exactly it works because it seems like it makes you burp more. I'm not sure if that's possible but I'll find out in a bit.

Everyone compliments us on how perfect and adorable you are. I'm so bad with compliments regarding myself from strangers but I smile so big and thank them when they compliment you. You pretty much are the cutest little guy ever.

Daddy's new favorite thing to do is give you Eskimo kisses. Sometimes you smile. You smile so much and I absolutely love it, you have the cutest smile. I cannot wait for the day that you smile FOR us, knowingly smiling out of happiness and not just because you dumped half your body weight into your diaper or belched loud enough that it seems it should hit on the Richter Scale.

You are sleeping pretty well in your bassinet. When you don't we put you in the swing and you sleep. Sometimes you won't want to go to sleep but if I have just changed you and you have a full tummy I let you fuss it out. Takes no more than 10 minutes and you are zonked out and you sleep the best then, probably exhausted from your crying.

I've tried to work on a schedule but it hasn't worked so well the past few nights as we've been busy. I try to breast feed you during the day and you do your snacking then. Then I "plan" to give you a bottle of formula and put you down at 7 and hopefully get a little sleep myself as it's easier to deal with you for that hour/hour and a half in the middle of the night when you wake up. The other night however we visited Grandma Rachel (my grandma) and had dinner there so you got to bed late and last night you met your Gamma (my mom) for the first time. She still thinks you have strawberry blonde as my dad (Papa Travis) had strawberry blonde hair growing up she said. I still don't think so. So tonight I'm going to feed you and put you down in your crib at 7. I'm terrified of SIDS but you don't move enough or grab your blanket yet so I feel we are safe to put you in there with a warm blanket. I need to buy more fleecy sleep sacks so you won't need a blanket because you're jama's are warm enough.

Last night you went down at 10pm and slept until 4am. I was so shocked. You were in your swing though so hopefully tonight you do just as well.

You get a bath every other night. I quit using the baby tub that daddy had from your brothers because it reclines weird and the suction cups don't suction. It's then really odd to hold you and you move your head around and slide down too far. Last night mama just supported your head and back and held you and let you float. You really seemed to like that and didn't even fuss once, not even when I washed your hair.

Monday you have your procedure done. I'm going to be a big emotional crying mess. I can't stand the thought of them strapping you down naked on a table. I hope that as soon as they're done and I can breast feed you that you won't hurt or be upset. I hope it's easy to care for and that you heal quick. I'm SO sorry that I'm going to be causing you this pain but I hope that it makes things easier for you some day. I've done lots of research and sat on the fence trying to decide what is best for you and chose this JUST BARELY. I hope you won't remember it and that it won't last long so I can cuddle you and make it all better.

I'm not sure what else to update on, I'm sleepy as I had to take some medicine for the start of a really bad headache. I'm gonna lay on the couch and cuddle with you. I love you so so so much. I tell you hundreds of times a day but you can never say it too much.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


I'm so thankful for Emery. As much as he's driven me crazy the past couple nights he's kept me sane. He's the only thing that kept me from walking out of the house this morning. Instead of completely losing it I had him to hold and kiss and cuddle with.

I'm so emotional and aggravated lately and I feel like he is the only thing keeping me grounded. Maybe I'm going stir crazy stuck inside and the lack of sleep has finally caught up with me. I have so much on my mind and it's so hard to sort out when I'm now a mommy. I need to get out and go visit people. I think tomorrow I'll load up the baby if it's nice and go for a walk, do something besides sit here and dwell and let my thoughts run and sometime soon I need to go get my massage.

Hopefully all that helps or my sane side might be checking out for awhile.