Thursday, April 28, 2011

2 Weeks

My little Emery,

Today you are two weeks old. You're getting bigger and bigger everyday. Your little cheeks are getting so chubby and daddy and I can't help but smooch on you. Even Ethan likes to come up and kiss your head and pat your back oh so gently. He surprises me with his gentle ways for only being 3 in a couple days. Your brother Nathan loves to lay next to you and talk to you. Your big brothers are pretty taken with you as well.

You are a noisy little sleeper. You are constantly sighing, grunting, groaning, moaning, squeaking, whimpering and making the funniest faces when you do so. I laugh every time you poop because you push so hard and make the silliest noises.

You like to smile a lot. You are such a happy and content baby. You only fuss when you need changed, sometimes when you're being changed and if you get realllllly hungry and I can't get my boob out quick enough. 

You can already roll yourself onto your side. I'm sure that in a couple weeks you'll probably be able to roll yourself completely over. You hold your head up so well. I only have to really support it when I pick you up from a laying position.You even talk. Daddy said one morning that you were talking and I wasn't quite sure it was possible. When I got up and came into the living room you really were talking. Not your usual little noises but baby babble. I was pretty shocked. 

Everyday I look at you and your big blue eyes and I cannot believe you are mine. It seems so unreal that I made you and grew you inside my belly. I love you so much that it's crazy. I wish I could keep you this small and little forever because you're so cuddly and sweet. You love to stare around at everything. You just sit and take it all in. Your daddy is so smitten with you too. He likes to pick on you about your noises and the fact that your big toe sticks way out to the side when you spread your toes wide. Today he said you sounded like a creaky door when we were pushing you in the shopping cart. He loves cuddling with you though. You like to sprawl out on his chest where as you curl your little legs up under you on my chest because of my short torso. He also is a professional burper. I can burp you just fine but it seems like he just pulls them out of you more quickly.

We let you sleep with us until Wednesday because of your little stint in the NICU and then your projectile vomiting from formula. I didn't want you anywhere but next to us so I could hear your breathing, keep my hand on your tummy and make sure that if you were to throw up you wouldn't choke on it. However this was a bad idea because now you won't sleep in your bassinet or your crib. You immediately wake up and fuss when we put you down in it. I couldn't tell if it is because the room is too quiet and you're used to the loud living room or if its too hard or cold. Daddy and I decided we wanted our bed back and I really miss snuggling with daddy so it was time to make the move. So I put a little blanket it under the bassinet pad and wrapped another little one around it & tucked it in tight. Now it's warm & not hard as a brick. Then I hung my headphones on the edge & turned on my playlist of nature sounds. So you get to listen to the rain forest, flowing rivers and the ocean. You slept all night except for your feedings about every two hours. It was so nice to be able to sprawl out in bed again.

I think that's all for now. I love you so very much.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I wish...

That the weather would get nicer. Today the sun is out a little bit but for the past 2 or 3 days it has just rained and rained and rained some more. I want it to warm up so that I can get a chair and sit out on the patio with Emery and he can take the outside world in. Plus it'll be nice for him to get a little sunshine with mama. Also because I want to load him up in the stroller and go for a walk. I'm going to ask at my OB appt Thursday when I'll be cleared to start exercising a little. I can't overdo it too much or I'll be in trouble like last week. We were running around for about 2 or 3 days dealing with court stuff and the bleeding got really heavy which isn't good.

I also wish Jake would take more pictures. Sure he takes pictures of Emery EVERYDAY and I've taken about a zillion of him with the baby but the only ones I have of Emery and myself are from the day he was born. He's only going to be this little for so long and I'd like pictures of it. So I guess everyday I'm going to have to get up and do my makeup and snap pictures myself on my phone. I may also have to try to figure out this webcam crap and see if I can take any pictures that way.

Tomorrow is also Emery's 2 week birthday. I'll have to remember to write a post. It's also Jake and I's 1 year anniversary. Yes, we move quick. I wasn't supposed to have babies they told me and 3 months in I'm pregnant.1 year and we'll have a 2 week old baby. I wish we could say we also got custody of the boys in that one year but since someones lawyer is a ding-a-ling we won't know till June. 

Little mister is waking up from his nap now so I must cut this short. Thankfully during his nap I baked cookies, got 2 baskets of laundry put away, started a load, wrote this post, talked to my sister on the phone for 30 minutes and pumped. Finally getting stuff done! Now if only I could accomplish getting him to sleep in his bassinet or crib and not in our bed or the couch. Ideas???

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Pictures of my Honeybear

REFUSING to take a nap. He just wanted to be cuddled and look around.

He was milk drunk and I was talking to him about the 1-800-BAD-DRUG commercial.

Thank you to Aunt Kassie for noticing that he's flipping mommy off. I didn't even notice with those big baby blues staring at me.

One Week Photoshoot

Picture we used for our birth announcement.

Love his eyeballs. I could stare at him alllllll day!

Buddah Baby

Friday, April 22, 2011

1 Week down.

Yesterday Emery was a week old. He peed all over himself for the first time. His legs are SO strong that I couldn't get him covered with a wipe quick enough. He also lost his stump. My first moment of ignorant mommyhood: I thought once it fell off it was a regular belly button. I had no idea it would ooze and bleed a little bit. I had a moment of panic and didn't quite believe Jake when he said it was normal. He also did great at court. We had our Pre-trial conference. We're represting ourselves and have all our ducks in a row. The trial got extended to June 6th instead of this Monday because her and her lawyer dont have their shit together. Seems a little backwards to me. Now the boys have to suffer for another month and a half. I swear if we get anymore bleeding diaper rashes in that time I may flip out on her. Today Emery had his check up. They did it at 8 days instead of 10 because of court and the weekend. She asked us what we thought he weighed. I guessed 8lb 3oz and Jake said either his birth weight of 7lb 13oz or right at 8lb since babies lose 20% of their weight usually. She said he weighs 8lb 8oz. HOLY CRAP! Mama must have some good milk! So glad that he is healthy and that i'm providing all his nutrition. He is SO smiley, especially in his sleep after eats. He has the cutest smile ever. I can't help but kiss him constantly and tell him how much I love him. I wish time would slow down!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

you know who's so damn cute?

My Emery Jacob. 7lb 13oz 19" @ 12:53pm April 14, 2011 just wanted to update everyone. I'll share pics when I get the chance. I just want to spend all day everyday cuddling him and smooching his forehead. I can't believe he's mine!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Haskins Family Tragedy

This week a friend and her family lost their home to a fire. This was a family who took me in when I really needed it. They opened their arms, hearts and their door to me. They have endured SO much that it is impossible to find a place to start.

Leigh Ann is a stay at home mama to 4 amazing kids. She started her own company Bows Clothes N Throws and was just getting started. Her work is amazing and my little niece owns some of her stuff. However all of this was lost in the fire.

Her husband Michael is in the Navy. Even when I was staying with them he was gone for days at a time recruiting and doing what needs to be done to care for his family.

Despite this tragedy Leigh Ann has stood strong for her family. She has 4 kids who need her strength as they have lost everything. Memories, shelter, clothes, toys, literally everything.

The Salvation Army has put them into a hotel but they are still without any belongings.

A blog page was started for them Haskins Family Emergency Fund with information detailing what they need.

I have prayed and prayed for them. Unfortunately right before we moved we got rid of all the boys' clothes that were too small so I have nothing to send. All I can do is spread the word and hope that if you have any unused toys, gently used clothes or anything that could be of help that you could pass it on.

They will be so grateful for any help small or great. If you yourselves cannot help in anyway, please just link to this post and maybe your friends or followers can help in some way.

Also one of her long time friends is a Scentsy Consultant and is going to donate 10% of all the sales throughout the month of April to the Haskins family. I myself LOVE scentsy and was so excited to see this. If you love scentsy please try to order from Arica, even if it's only a $5.00 product. Any sale is going to make a difference in their future!

and we wait some more...OB Appt 40W1D

Emery's heart rate was 140. 

I had to get checked and of course again it felt like she was reaching for my brain through my vagina and I was trying to crawl out of my skin again. Still only dilated 3-4. 90% effaced and still -2 station. She said she thinks sometime this week but we made a 41 week appt just in case along with a bio-physical ultrasound. She just wants to make sure that everything will be ok for him and he can continue to thrive in there for the rest of that week. She asked if I'd be up for having my membranes stripped if I didn't have him before then and I said yes. She said that if that didn't work and I got to 42 weeks that I would then have to see an OB. I REALLY like Shelley and I want to deliver with a midwife not an OB. I want things MY way but Emery isn't ready to cooperate yet. Someday I'll have the little bugger in check :P

After being checked we had no progress for the day. We even went and ate chinese and I hoped the spice would help. Instead for the rest of the night I was popping Tums left and right.

Jake went to work and I napped in bed. I was soooo tired and out of it until 7:30pm and I felt better after a shower and laying around reading blogs. Shortly after that the contractions started. I went to bed at who knows what time. 9:30 or 10? Jake crawled into bed around midnight and I was still having them. In fact they were every 5 minutes. He of course....dead to the world snoring. They finally dropped to 7-8 minutes, 10-12 minutes and then every 20 minutes. I finally was able to doze in between them when they were 10 minutes apart. When they hit they hit hard. I almost was convinced that was it, especially after a trip to the potty and realized I had lost the uterine seal for good. Was blood tinged and not just clear mucous. I laid there almost thinking that was it and what if I hadn't realized soon enough to get to the hospital and I'm giving birth in my bathroom while Jake is passed out from the gore. How would I know how and where to tie off the umbilical cord? What did I have lying around to use to tie it off? Cut a hair tie in half or steal a lace from Jake's brand new DC's? I haven't sanitized the booger sniffer so what if I had to use it to clean out his nose and mouth and it wasn't disinfected? What am I gonna use to cut the cord when our scissors are little kid ones and I'd be appalled to use a kitchen knife. Would the ambulance come in time to do all this?! I was so exhausted and finally around 5:30am they died off and I was able to sleep until 8:20.

I've laid around and had maybe 8 contractions today. I'm going to be upset if I lose sleep again. Shelley offered me a prescription for Ambien to get some sleep because she wants to make sure that when labor does happen that I'm rested instead of exhausted from days of pre labor. I turned her down but after last night I called to see if they would call one in. It'll be nice to have JUST IN CASE.

I'm laying around going insane today so I messaged Jake's mom to see if she had any yard work she needs done. Thankfully she has some bulbs that she needs planted so I'm going to go over there and help. Get some fresh air and maybe get things moving. I was contemplating a walk but then realized I'd get a quarter mile from home and then labor would hit and I'd be stranded and unable to get back home.

So off to mom's we go and hope that this sets things off...I can't handle much more sitting around!

**after note. My car won't start. I'm guessing dead battery so now I can't take dinner to Jake, can't pick up my prescription if they call it in today and can't help his mom. GRRRR! Guess I'll be breaking out the salsa dancing DVD.

Monday, April 11, 2011

one short sentence

i am SO over being pregnant. im not even going to blog about todays appointment until a later date. blahhhh.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Due Date

Today is the official due date.

It was April 13th but at my 8 week ultrasound he was measuring 3 days bigger so they moved it to the 10th. 

On our 19 week ultrasound he was measuring 5 days bigger but they didn't move his due date. That would have made it April 5th if they had which has come and gone.

I believe that today is going to come and go as well. OBVIOUSLY it is, but I mean without Emery making his appearance.

Tomorrow I have my appt at 9:30 and I'll obviously have to be checked. I want to, despite the discomfort it causes just to know how much progress we've made. Please let me be farther than a 3! Maybe since it's 40 weeks we'll get an ultrasound to make sure he's doing well and has plenty of fluids. (I always laugh about the "fluids" I sound like a car not a pregnant woman)

We have a Pre-Trial Conference on the 14th at 9:30 am so he NEEDS to be here before then. I'd hate for me to not be able to go because I'm in the hospital...and I have no idea what we'd do if I was in the middle of labor and Jake couldn't go either. I don't know if that's acceptable. I have no idea what its even about? To tell us how the actual trial is going to go about or to make sure we have all our ducks in a row or what?

I'm hoping he comes before then because it won't be that big of a deal. He'll just go to the courthouse with us. I don't want to be running around with him being that brand new but obviously this is for his brothers so it's a must. He'll be so brand new that hopefully he'll just eat and sleep and it shouldn't last longer than an hour.

Today we went to Rancho Chico's for lunch. I ate spicy salsa hoping it'd help. Then we walked around Carter's. Ethan got these super cool monster truck jammies last weekend I believe it was and today I found a shirt that was exactly the same but it was different colors. Later we spotted Ethan's jammies and realized they were Carters. So now Emery has a matching t-shirt to Ethan's jammies but a different color truck. You become a mommy to boys and suddenly you're obsessed with monster trucks and tractors and fire engines and everything they find fascinating. It's pretty cute. Jake also spotted teeny tiny sunglasses that he HAD to get.

Last summer when we went to Montana Ethan had to get sunglasses at a gift shop outside Glacier Park. We for sure thought that it was going to be a waste of money and that he'd never wear them. Well he proved us wrong. For about a week he wore them upside down and then he got it figured out. He goes nowhere without those things or any pair. He's got about 3 pairs we've found that were Nathan's once. He's such a stud and everyone is always complimenting him on his glasses. "It's bright, where my glasses?!" He wears them inside, outside, in the sun, in the dark...anywhere and everywhere, rain or shine. The kid is constantly cracking me up. 

So of course Jake had to get Emery a pair and get him started early. I'll be creating a rule that the boys are NOT allowed to put them on the baby. God forbid they jab his eye out. I can't even think about that right now!

Emery! Please come soon before mama goes insane and daddy has a meltdown about having to go to work. (He wants you here realllllly bad, but not bad enough to work some reflexology points by rubbing mama's feet). I'm about to polish my toenails so they're pretty for the day you decide to come (make it tonight).


Learning to ride a bike.

Friday we got the boys and we all laid down for a nap. I of course just cannot sleep during a nap most of the time and that was one of those days. I was laying there and had the genius idea that after naps we were going to teach Nathan how to ride his bike. It was so nice and sunny out, I wanted out of the house and 8 year old should be riding a bike without training wheels.

I was so excited I couldn't wait for them to wake up so we could get going. I mentioned it to Jake as soon as he woke up! He had no idea where I had come up with the idea lol

The boys get no attention from there "mom" what so ever. Nathan lacks confidence regarding a lot of stuff because she never pays any attention or gives any encouragement. I wanted to take that away for the weekend he was with us.

Off to grandma's we went. Jake got the training wheels off and I gave him a few pointers. I tried to help but with my big belly it was hard to try to help. Grandma took over but Nathan just wasn't feeling it from the beginning. He lacked the confidence and the courage. He was ready to cry at one point and just kept turning himself into the grass so we let it go for the day. Jake told him that as soon as he learns to ride his bike that we'll go get him a bigger one that he wants. 

The next day we went back over to Grandma's. I had decided that Nathan needs to KNOW someone cares. You can tell anyone you love them and that you care for them but its when you SHOW it that they know. We do this already but with the crap Nathan is going through he needs the extra attention. I told Jake that he needed to be there with Nathan and help him. It would mean so much more to have his dad there next to him and giving him the encouragement. Someday Nathan will look back and remember that his dad taught him how to ride a bike. It'll be one of those memories you never let go of. Shoot, I remember the first time I learned to ride my bike. The feeling of accomplishing such a task was HUGE.

Jake gave a few tips and told him that he'd let go when Nathan had it. Seriously? 10 minutes if that. The kid had it DOWN! I was SOOO proud. I was standing there trying to jump but with this belly? All I could do was bounce on my feet and keep woohoo'ing and clapping my hands and looking like a complete crazy pregnant woman. I wanted him to feel like the proudest little boy and man....he was. When he came back down that sidewalk by himself he was all grins. Grins that I have never seen on his face before and his cheeks were all pink and glowing. He was so damn proud of himself. I was almost in tears watching him rolling away by himself and he had the confidence to keep going even when he realized that Jake had let go. He rode up and down that sidewalk growing more and more confident of himself. At one point we all laughed because he stuck his legs out the side, no pedals!

Jake looked so proud I wanted to kiss his face off. All I could say was "well, ya taught your kid to ride a bike!"

Looks like a weekend or two from now we'll be out bringing home a new bike for the master :)

Next on the list? Teaching him to tie his shoes.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Maternity Photos

Ok so it's more than a few. Try a few x's 5. There was 44 and I posted 15. I just LOVE all the ones she got of Jake and I. I was afraid we'd look goofy but they turned out so good. He looks so good I kinda wanna kiss his face off :) We're gonna have one damn cute kid! Are you ready?!

She told Jake to pretend like he loves me. I was cracking up.

1, 11, 12, 15, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 27, 28, 33,  37, 42, 44


Last night I was convinced that Emery is not a baby and is instead a unicorn. A unicorn who was trying to use my ribs as a diving board and force himself and the horn out with no success. I didn't even have contractions yesterday, just a stabbing pain in my pelvis every 10 minutes or less. Maybe he dropped really low finally and was grinding his head around? I don't know but I couldn't get in a single position that eased the discomfort. I tried to get on my hands and knees and put my head down to drop him down a bit but this HUGE belly kept pressing against my legs and I got nowhere. Thankfully once I went to bed I slept through it if it kept happening or I just didn't feel it.


We laid down today for a nap and I had just fallen asleep when the boys were up. Nathan didn't sleep a wink, he just got bored of being in there and woke Ethan up. He tried to say he hadn't but Ethan said brother had woken him up. He's at the age where he can really tell us what happened and Nathan gets caught lying. Last weekend he did the same thing and was a complete turd the whole day because he hadn't slept. We had to ride his butt alllll day about not listening and I'm not in the mood to deal with that today so I told him to go back to bed until he took a nap. It amazes me how stupid kids think we are. We were once kids, we know ALL the charades. So now I'm sitting here blogging while he naps and daddy tries to rest up since he was up early not feeling well. Ethan and I are watching Mouse Detector. His way of saying The Great Mouse Detective.

Fingers crossed for Emery coming today. Tomorrow is his actual due date. If we make it to tomorrow then mommy was right in saying he wouldn't come early. I knew I should have put money on that bet with Jake ;)

p.s. got the maternity photos. There are 44 so I'll just post a few of my favorites :)

Friday, April 8, 2011


I hate that "mom of the year" has no freaking idea what a damn bed time is. So the boys stay up until all hours of the night. So when we pick them up for the weekend they spend over half our first whole day with them sleeping it away in a nap because of sleep deprivation.

The weather is beautiful outside and I wanted to go do something. Instead they're snoozing and I'm getting pissed off about the whole Government Shutdown. I even made banana nut muffins! If they don't wake up soon I'm going to end up eating all 3 pans!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

the waiting continues...

Little Emery,

We are patiently, or in all honesty not so patiently waiting for your arrival. I even shaved my legs today and hope to conquer a new polish on my toes. Daddy was disappointed he had to go to work today, we were really hoping for today. Your grandma's are getting anxious, especially daddy's mom. She is so funny! She's told me to do jumping jacks or go for a run. Today I looked at our messenger and saw this that she sent when daddy was online.

Grandma says
Baby yet?

Daddy says
Grandma says
I guess we are going to have to resort to extreme measures---how about taking Kayla on a 10 mile run! LOL!
Daddy says
i dont think that will be happening lol
Grandma says
Cliff diving?!! LOL!
Daddy says
how would that help? lol
Grandma says
Head first in the water and the laws of pressure--I'm assuming that it would some what like popping a pimple! LOL!
Daddy says
oh, ok lol
Grandma says
I'm getting very impatient, here waiting! LOL!
I'll let you go for now, but if you need anymore "ideas" just let me know! LOL!

Daddy says
ok lol

I was thinking just a couple days ago that no one had been bugging me and now suddenly everyone is checking in. Grandma calls everyday to ask how I'm feeling, my Grandma Rachel called yesterday and today and a few friends have asked if we're getting close.

All day yesterday I felt nothing until that evening and I was feeling really crampy. I'm guessing it was from dehydration (because daddy takes all the tea to work and I have to wait for a new batch to brew). However in the middle of the night I woke up to a couple contractions. For once they were uncomfortable and I was almost wondering if that was it. Usually I cuddle up to daddy's back but my tummy was so hard and tight that it hurt for it to touch him. You were partying again for most of the night. I wonder if that's a sign that you're not ready yet as they say its supposed to slow down. Your daytime antics have slowed quite a bit but night time you're rolling around a lot. I think you know when I'm thinking about you because you always give me a couple good jabs, especially when I'm blogging.

Today we went to the store to get a few things for dinner since we have your brothers for the weekend. Plus I had to get a word search for the hospital in case I get bored. I was hoping the little bit of walking would help but nothing. Daddy left for work and I vacuumed the house and unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I boiled eggs earlier so we can have egg salad sandwiches and deviled eggs. Mommy LOVES deviled eggs, however if I eat them and go into labor we're going to have some problems. The look on daddy's face was pretty classic when he caught my drift (no pun intended). I also am going to make some banana nut muffins. I also caved to my craving for oreo's and bought some today. So now i'm going to go enjoy a couple of those and hope you start making more progress!


P.S. Tomorrow we get our maternity photos. So excited to see them :)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Still waiting..

Allllll day yesterday I had contractions. It's funny how just being checked can cause that. I for sure thought he'd be coming sometime today or tomorrow. The contractions were so tight and I could actually feel them.They usually are just like menstrual cramps, but these ones make my belly ROCK HARD except down at the bottom where I've got flab. That throws me off a little bit.

Today I think I had one or two. Nothin'. I had dreams about him making his arrival. He was moving around so much last night that it actually woke me up a couple times and that doesn't usually happen. In one dream he pushed so hard against one side of my stomach that his little head was pushing out of my skin by about 2 inches and when he turned his head I could see his itty bitty nose. It was so real I woke up thinking it had actually happened.

He either needs to come tonight/tomorrow or not until Sunday as we have the boys Friday and Saturday and I can't deal with all that.

C'mon Emery! Mama's hips can't handle trying to walk you out and I'm too lazy to go buy Red Raspberry tea! Daddy and I are anxious to meet you and your bag for the hospital is packed!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Baby Belly and Hadley

My sister came into town and I got to see my adorable niece. She is such a little ham. Here's a picture of her playing with her new favorite toy...her toes. My leg was just big enough to hold her with Emery sticking way out there.

Hadley and her mama.

I can't believe how big she has gotten, and so much more character. These were from 12/26/10. She was a month and ten days old, such a different baby than the one in the pictures above!

Officially Nervous! 39W1D OB Appt

I woke up this morning and felt slightly gassy. I think its the extra iron I popped since I had read that if you're low on iron labor can be much more difficult because you tire much easily. GREAT! I was already low.

My appt was at 9:30 so I got up at 8:10 to have time to shower and get ready. I figured no big deal if I was gassy I could hold it and since I wasn't being checked I wouldn't have to worry about embarrassing myself! I had gotten checked last week and no change so I was going to wait until week 40 if he hadn't arrived yet.

We go through the start of the appointment like normal. Bev couldn't find his heart rate loud and clear where she usually does and I mentioned he felt a lot higher in my stomach lately and touched up above my belly button to the left. She set the Doppler there and immediately he was loud and clear. Mama knows best! 136 she said. He's sleeping again, preparing for his entrance! Then she mentioned that Shelly was going to check me and that there was also a student with her today and did I mind having them be in there? I said no, my modesty has pretty much went out the door since I got pregnant. She handed me the oh so comfy paper table and walked out. I looked at Jake and said "oh no!" while in my head I was immediately praying that I didn't fart on her when she started to check me. Then I figured I had better suck it up because how many women have they seen poop on the table and a little toot wasn't going to be an issue.

She came in and had the student measure. She was a pretty, young female so I was a little more at ease then. Measuring on target and he was still head down. Shelley asked if I would mind the student checking me after she did if the exam was an easy one. I said that was fine. Getting checked hurt like HELL last week and I was internally cringing at the thought of two of them today but she needs to learn so I could live with it. She checked me and I was again trying to crawl up and off the table. She told me that I'm dilated to a 3 and 70-80% effaced and he's sitting at -2. She looks at me and asks me if I want to "stir things up". I was like "Oh no!" or maybe it was "Uh, no!". That hurt enough without her running her ringer around the inside of my cervix to "stir things up." I'll take a rain check thanks! It's exciting to find out but as soon as we walked out I felt so nervous. The time is actually coming so fast! The student thankfully didn't check me because Shelley must have felt me trying to crawl out of my skin.

Then I started thinking how soon its going to be over and how much I'm going to miss it. I won't have my belly anymore, I love my belly knowing he's safe and warm in there. That I won't be able to feel his little squirms and kicks anymore and I'll have to share him. That it'll be so much harder to keep him safe out in the real world, he's not housed in his little home where he's always safe.

I know that once I hold him all those worries will disappear. I'll be so happy to see him and love him but I have no idea what to expect right now and that's where I get nervous. I like to have things planned just so and know exactly what is going to happen and when so that I can be prepared. You can't do that with labor and a baby unless you have a scheduled c-section.

I still hadn't gotten a diaper bag so we had to go to the mall after the appointment. I don't want a regular diaper bag, they're all huge and ugly. I wanted an over sized purse that would fit everything I need, still be cute and still hold a few of my needed things. We walked all over that damn mall. The ones I liked cost about an arm and a leg. NOT paying 88.00 for a damn purse that is gonna have baby poop, pee, puke whatever else they produce...drool and SNOT...on it. I found one I liked better than anything else around its price range at Pac-Sun.

Jake doesn't care for it, but the day he starts carrying a man purse then I'll let him decide. I can never find a purse I like until the time I don't need/can't afford one and then I find the most amazing one. He told me not to settle on this if I didn't want it but I HAVE to have a diaper bag and this was the best for my price range. It's cuter in person. Jake uses a backpack, that's easiest for him so we'll each have our own bag so he won't have to worry about carrying this.

I also had to take a couple pictures before it was too late and Emery came before I could.

Ignore the fact that my belly hangs lower on one side. Apparently I have more fat on that side :x

Thankfully he'll be coming sooner rather than later. I just barely started getting a stretch mark off an old one. You can't even see it in the picture from what I can tell. So now less chance of it growing out of control :)

I'm feeling brain dead now. I'll post more later if I realize I've forgotten anything.