Sunday, March 27, 2011

Preparing for Emery

Most moms start getting REALLY anxious for the baby to come the last couple weeks. They're anticipating every contraction wondering when the moment is coming.

As of today I'm 38 weeks. I have two weeks left. I'm not anxious at all. I can't be when I'm so worried about the boys.

I had to drag myself from mounds of paperwork and evidence to go start the three loads of baby clothes, to organize the diapers from the baby shower, to wash his sheets, to rearrange his room as needed. I'm so mentally exhausted from this that I can't even think of when he'll show up.

This is either saving me from the insanity of waiting or it's just not good.

Either way I have no doubt this will not affect me as a mother when he gets here. I will have three little boys to take care of. Emery will be the easy part. He will never go without, ever. He'll be a little more predictable than our 3 year old who wants to party in the middle of the night.

The last two nights Ethan was up 3 times in the middle of the night. We woke up Saturday morning to find 3 muffins on the table, a jar of peanut butter, 2 jelly's, a bag of bread and three spoons. This morning we found apple sauce and my Chai Tea mix he had poured into a bowl (curious the face he made when he tried to eat this with a spoon and got SPICE). I always hear when he gets up. I'm so in-tune that I can hear toys being played with or the door closing. I think he had gotten into all of this the first time and I got up when I heard the door close.

Nathan said he does this every night at his moms. He is up at all hours of the night (because she lets him take naps at 6pm and later so his body thinks night time is his day time) and he is left unattended. He said no one gets up. One night he had dragged a chair from their dining room down the hall to his room and climbed up to some shelf in his closet to get the playdoh his mom had hid and stayed up all night playing with it. I WANT TO SCREAM! What food is he eating at her house in the middle of the night, what things is he getting into at night, how long until he gets severely hurt or burns down the house?!

Today we got a latch for the fridge. We cannot screw in safety devices to the cupboards so we're setting up a gate in the hallway or right at the kitchen so he cannot get in, and if he does he'll be so loud in the process that I'll be on him like white on rice.

Ignorance is bliss...except when it involves your children. I laid there awake for hours after the 2 and 3 times I put him back to bed wondering when he was getting up next. How are Jake and I supposed to sleep when they're not here knowing that NO ONE does that at his other home and he could be getting into God knows what.

I wish CPS would buck up and ask the right questions. They either look too hard or they don't look hard enough. I have so much evidence it's coming out our ears and yet they play God, they decide what THEY think is immediate danger to a child. Is unsupervised anything not immediate danger?! They had to investigate once when both kids were left home alone for her to go party and yet they won't take other calls seriously.

I'm praying, praying sooo hard that the courts see this and realize how much she is damaging her kids and not giving one shit about it. Kids deserve so much more, but to her its not what her kids need. It is what she needs. New clothes, her hair done, buying a car, boozing it up 5 nights a week and yet our 3 year old is wearing 6-12 month socks that have holes and are threadbare. Apparently she missed the memo where being a parent is supposed to turn you from selfish to selfless. Makes me sick.


  1. this the same kid who is being evaluated for ADHD? I seriously think there is a sleep correlation...there has to be!

    I think all of this is probably keeping you from going crazy from the wait...the last few weeks is maddening unless you have something else on which to focus. Sounds like you do ;)

  2. No we have two. The oldest is 8 and being tested for the ADHD. The youngest is going to be 3 the end of April. They both have sleep issues because their mother doesn't even have a consistent schedule or care to make sure they have one. Shes gone all the time partying or at school or ignoring them to care if they're cranky because of lack of sleep so she doesn't have to deal with them.