Thursday, March 24, 2011

Big day tomorrow.

No baby. Big brudder Nathan is having his ADHD evaluation done.

It's been a long road for us. All of the signs we chalked up the the stress of the situation. We are very good about not saying anything about the court situation or discussing any of it around the kids. They don't need to stress about it and only worry about being a child, however his mother doesn't feel the same and tells him stuff that stresses him out.

We thought the bed wetting may have been from stress from all of that, it's a lot for an 8 year old to handle. I remember when I was 9 or 10 my mom started working a 2nd or 3rd job and apparently it stressed me out so badly that I wet the bed. I felt like I was on the potty and started going. I woke up and felt sooo ashamed. That was the only time it ever happened but it gave me a little insight into his situation. Add to the fact that his mother had him in diapers until he was 7 at her house until the courts got on her about it, she's not a good role model in the anti-lazy department.

However the situation has gotten so much worse. It went from never to every once in awhile, to consistent to constant and last weekend he did it even during nap during the day. Went from just night time to that and day time. We are so stressed trying to help him, to find out the reason why and help but he just looks at us blankly. We've also asked her numerous times to help us on her end but she just dismisses it. She obviously doesn't care that this is not normal and that this can lead to humiliation especially if kids at school start making fun of him. Children can be so cruel. We end up feeling stressed out to completely helpless and back again. With a baby on the way it's going to be hard to be changing a baby, a stubborn almost 3 year old who doesn't want to be potty trained and an 8 year olds constant laundry twice a day.

We ruled out another situation we thought it may have been and the only thing I knew to try after that was ADHD testing. Maybe his mind is SO busy with everything that he sleeps so hard at night or it's going so much at night even that he doesn't know to get up.

They gave us a packet to fill out and it was an eye opener of how much there is to ADHD that we didn't realize and how much of it related to him. He is an amazing little boy and so so smart. It was just little things we started noticing, the constant foot tapping. Telling him to do something and he'd take 5 steps to go do it and get side tracked and we'd have to remind him of what we asked. Picking on his little brother and didn't even phase him when he'd be told time and time again to quit picking on his brother that it was upsetting him. We thought maybe its because at his moms all he does is watch TV and play video games and when he's done with that picking on Ethan is good entertainment, plus she encourages that by picking on him too and thinking its so cute even though Ethan gets so upset! However at our house we do stuff every time we have them. We have games, they have so many toys it can barely be contained, we go do activities every weekend and he still is just a busy bee and gets bored.

His teacher told us that she was so happy we had brought in the packet as she really feels "he's an ADHD kiddo". I guess his mom has ADD so it makes sense that he would have it. She said he's gotten really disruptive in class even with reminders. Just today when Jake went to pick up the packet he walked to the class and she asked a question, Nathan answered. She asked another kid a question and Nathan answered and she had to remind him that he had answered and it was another kids turn. It's good that he pays attention in class and will answer, but he doesn't understand boundaries. It happens here as well, we ask Ethan to do something and he runs to go do it or answers for him. It gets frustrating.

So tomorrow we have the evaluation. We don't want to medicate him but if its necessary then we will as its best for him. He deserves to think and focus like other kids his age. His brain needs to do what it needs to and not overwork itself. I also believe that if we get custody he will not have to be medicated. Sometimes ADHD can be linked to a deficiency and can be changed just by a certain diet. Considering that he does not have a consistent sleep schedule at her house, sleeps on a couch and does not eat a good healthy meal except when he is with us it makes sense that he may be lacking something. If he was here and had good consistent sleep every night along with good healthy meals, his vitamins and proper guidelines/discipline he would learn how to work with it.

I really hope that this is where it ends. All we want is for him to be able to think and act like a kid his age, not frantic processing. It's something that definitely has a remedy. If it doesn't end here I have no idea where to go next. Sleep apnea? Diabetes testing? The research is stressful and breaks my heart. Fingers crossed that we get some answers tomorrow!

7 comments:

  1. Just my opinion, but I would wait until after you get custody and things settle before you rush into more testing. Maybe all he needs is some structure and for life to be more predictable. It's amazing what a stable environment can do for a kid.

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  2. I agree with Mandy and you an Jake need to really look into the medication if they feel he needs some Some make the child into a zommbie and some stunt their emotional growth at that age (ex.. 2nd ex husband). Aunt Kim would be a good one to visit with on this she has great knowledge to be able to help with making serious decisions like this. love your Mom

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  3. Hello I am new to blogging but I just realized we have photography in common and ran across your blog. It sounds like from what I read (which is only this post) You and your man (who has a child by a previous spouse or girlfriend) are having a bit of trouble with the child recently.

    I don't want to alarm you but you have to watch the wetting of the bed VERY carefully. Has he always had mood swings and no attention span or are these things new? Wetting the bed usually comes from a child being unstable or stressed, but in SOME cases it comes from abuse. It is actually one of the things we look for when checking for abuse. (I have been a child development program assistant for a few years now until recenlty)

    I'm guessing the little guy spends allot of time between your house and his moms, and how do you really know what's going on at her house while he's there? Does she have any new friends or a new boyfriend hanging around? Is he being put around people you don't really know?

    Anyways. I'm sorry to hear about the adhd. That it so tough. Usually they won't diagnose that until a child is at least 5 but I'm surprise it made it to the age of 8 without them suspecting it before. A good way to test that is give him a cup of coffee. If he calms down he probably has add or adhd, if he doesn't then he may just be a hyper kids who is stressed and acting out over his current situation. I'm sure you have good doctors, but sometimes when it comes to adhd they are quick to diagnose without really checking it all the way through. (that's what happened with my baby cousin so he was on meds for years without needing them and now needs them to function)That was YEARS ago though so I'm sure they do better testing now. :-)

    If you ever need anything or someone to talk to hit me up. I'm new to the blogging but I know we all have days where we NEED someone.

    Congrats on the new little addition that's on it's way btw. I can't wait to see the little girl/guy. :-)

    Whitney

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  4. Thanks so much for your input! I had completely forgotten about the coffee trick. There is SO much going on at his moms house. We are constantly documenting. It's been a hell of a year. I would go into detail but until our trial is over I want to make sure things aren't super public. We have definitely looked into abuse, we're constantly watching for signs but have ruled that out, the physical/sexual side of it anyway.

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  5. Yes, make sure you keep them private for now just because if you use them here and she were able to find them she could use it against you. It could be mental abuse which is sometimes just as bad as physical/sexual. I hope you guys figure out everything and he gets exactly what he needs. Poor little man. I can't imagine to be going through all of these changes and not have anyone understand exactly what is going on with my head/body.

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  6. i have heard of several correlations between sleep and ADHD...amazing what you have on your plate.

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  7. Yes, make sure you keep them private for now just because if you use them here and she were able to find them she could use it against you. It could be mental abuse which is sometimes just as bad as physical/sexual. I hope you guys figure out everything and he gets exactly what he needs. Poor little man. I can't imagine to be going through all of these changes and not have anyone understand exactly what is going on with my head/body.

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