Friday, December 31, 2010

Christmas Crazy

I've hit the 3rd trimester exhaustion early. I'm so tired all the time. 2 hours after waking up and I'm ready for a nap. We had a long day on Christmas Eve. The boys loved their toys. Ethan is obsessed with his train table and allllllllllllllllllll the train stuff. I mean allllllllllllll because we got a HUGE set, and 2 big sets. We have train pieces coming out of our ears.  Nathan is loving his Creationary game. Do you know how hard it is to create a mouse or a sheep out of Lego's?! Nearly impossible. It's a lot of fun though. I've won every game so far. I'm a good guesser. The boys' mom tried to start drama on Xmas Eve but thankfully we had had a great day with them so it didn't phase us. I can't even wait until April. We'll have Emery with us and hopefully two weeks after that we'll have custody of the boys.  My sister came to town and oh my goodness my niece is the cutest thing. She didn't cry ever and she was soooo cuddly. She LOVED the boys and Uncle Jake. She's 6 weeks and was just smiling away at them when they were talking to her. Jake melted my heart holding her. He was so good with her. Talking to her and cuddling with her. I can't wait to see him with Emery. Ethan tried to give her a kiss and I told him it had to be on the forehead so she wouldn't get icky germs and Kassie said it was ok on the cheek. He kept coming over and giving her kisses on the cheek and gently touching her hair. For 2 1/2 he was EXTREMELY gentle with her. Jake only told Nathan to be gentle because he was more of the poking type. They each held her for a few minutes. I think they're pretty excited for a little one.
Cuddling with Uncle Jake

Picture this face whenever the boys or Jake talked to her.

She was mean mugging Auntie the entire first day I met her, even after I changed a poopy diaper!
Enough of all that. Blogger is the worst for typing a blog and inserting pictures. Screws up the formatting every single time. Off to bed. Maybe I'll be more motivated to blog later.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I've been feeling Emery kick from the outside. He's a stubborn one though and Jake always misses out. On Sunday Jake got to feel him for the first time. It was really subtle so we're waiting for a better kick from him. However, Nathan REALLY got to feel him. He was doing his crazy kickboxing and I told Nathan to come here and I put his hand on my belly and pushed in a little and Emery thumped him a good one a couple times. Nathan's eyes got so big and he smiled. I of course, got teary eyed and wanted to cry. It was just one of "those" moments for me. Its like he now believed there is really a little brother in there. I'm not sure if Ethan felt it or not, he may have felt a little one. 

Monday we went shopping and Ethan wasn't paying attention and bumped into me, I told him he needed to watch where he was going and he comes up to me and puts his little hand on my belly and says "feel bebe?" I didn't hear him the first time, I thought he was telling the baby sorry for bumping into us but he did it again a couple seconds later and I explained the baby was probably sleeping and not kicking right then. I'm glad that the boys are getting excited about it, its becoming so real. 

This week (24) the baby is the size of a papaya so at the store I pointed one out to the boys as I do with the fruit or vegetable it correlates to in size that week. It's like a little science project and I really enjoy it. I think it helps Nathan picture whats going on in there. I was surprised how big a papaya is and how big my little one is already. As I'm typing this Emery started kicking. It's so crazy to look down and see my belly move. It blows my mind how much I can love something that I've barely seen and never met. We have 16 weeks to go and I'm getting so anxious!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Fed Up.

Beware lest ye harm any soul, or make any heart to sorrow; lest ye wound any man with your words, be he known to you or a stranger, be he friend or foe.

I am so fed up with family. Family is supposed to be the one thing you can fall back on and have their support when you need it. I'm glad that I'm in Spokane and I don't have to see a lot of what happens back home. I really wish my mom and sister would move here and get away from all of the bullshit.

My mom is the most selfless person I've ever met, Jake falls right behind her. My mom worked 2 and 3 jobs while married to my dad just to make ends meet because someone had a selfish spending habit. My mom never failed in providing exactly what we needed when my parents divorced, my sister and I never went without. It hurts to know how ungrateful we were at times and how much we hurt her. Ignorant teenagers! The important thing is that we know now, we have an endless respect for her.

I may be putting some people on blast but I don't even give a shit. I am so tired of no one standing up for themselves. My mom is wayyyy too nice to say anything to anyone. She doesn't want hurt feelings and doesn't want the drama that this person ALWAYS starts over shit they can't accept. No one walks over me or my family and close friends. I am the one person who will be the bitch and stand up and speak their mind.

Lets start off with how many times this family member has sunk themselves and my mom has bailed them out. My mom is responsible with her money and works hard and has held numerous jobs to have it. That family has no sense of priority in how their money is spent and always gets themselves to the point they're constantly borrowing money. How long did my mom had to wait before she was paid back and all the stuff she had to do to get paid back?

How my mom had something signed over into her name so that when they had to file bankruptcy they could have some shred of normalcy. I doubt my mom ever got a thank you. It was expected of her.

How many times my mom has watched their children or provided support when they need to vent about how horrible their marriage is and that they have no friends.

How many times my mom has done their hair or nails? That product is EXPENSIVE. I haven't even went and bought myself a new bottle of monomer because its about $38.00. They expect my mom to do their hair or nails whenever they want and for their children and whatever friends this family member brings, now that she has friends. You know what my mom did? She gave me 4oz of monomer from her supply the last time Jake and I went home. I was very grateful and said THANK YOU! Because that's the polite thing to do. They don't pay my mom or pitch in for product. I doubt she even gets a thank you.

My mom asked for a referral for a job and they told her "we don't do that for anyone anymore." I am in tears thinking about how hurt my mom felt. She has done nothing but help these people and that's what she gets in return?! Absolute bullshit.

Her and my sister just babysat the kids so that they could both work. My mom needed help with her snow blower and the one family member said "what are you going to do to help me?" WOW. FUCK YOU and then some. Pardon my language but I am so livid. If home wasn't 4 hours away and afraid of going into preterm labor I'd be banging on a door telling them exactly how shit is.

I won't even get started on the shitty example they are for their children and how much of a failure they are as parents. All I can do is be thankful that I didn't have the childhood their children did, that my mom is honest, loyal and one of the hardest workers I've met. She's worked for everything she has, while these people can't catch a clue no matter how many times they fail.

All I can say is have some respect. If you want something done, be willing to pay. If my mom wasn't doing it your ass would be in a salon paying $45 for a set of nails for $60-$130.00 for your haircolor of highlights. Its not hard to hand over 5 or 10 dollars to help for the cost of product. If you can't swing it that time THANK the person. A thank you can go a long ways. Family is the one thing you do not take for granted. My mother is the one person you do not walk over.

And since you're such a stand up Christian or like to think you are, pick up that black book and look up Matthew 7:12. In case you can't put the beer down to pick up the book I'll tell you what it says. "All things, therefore, that YOU want men to do to YOU, YOU also must likewise do to them, this, in fact, is what the Law and the Prophets mean"

Meaning if you would want to be paid for a service, then you also need to pay when you receive a service. If you want to be treated with respect then you need to treat others with respect. The Golden Rule is simple. 

Respect your family and support them. Do not take them for granted. I'm so tired of hearing of my mom being taken advantage of. Be an adult, apologize for what you've done wrong and try to rectify the situation and be a better person in the future. The last thing you need is to be cut out by your family. Then you're really up shit creek when you irresponsibly blow your paychecks and can't afford groceries, your house payment, your car payment or paying off your bills. 

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

OB Appt + Random Stuff.

We had our OB appointment yesterday. My blood pressure was great like always. Emery's heartbeat was 144 and was so strong sounding. It amazes me every time I hear it how much more loud and strong it sounds. I hardly ever have questions for the doctor since I knew a lot to begin with and I read so much. I did ask when other people will start to feel him kicking and she said in the next 2-3 weeks probably. I can't wait for Jake and the boys to be able to feel him.

Next appointment is my glucose test. I'm going to be sooo sick. I can't stand super sugary things. Especially after not being able to eat anything all morning. We can't go any earlier than 10am because we have to drop Nathan off at school and then take Ethan to Grandma and Papa's house. I'll be starving to death and then puking up sugar water i'm sure. So. Not. Excited. After that appointment our appointments will be every 2 weeks. I can't believe we're almost there! Eeeeeh!

Sunday we went swimming and I was trying to do my water exercises I looked up online. One of them is to hold a kick board vertical in front of you submerged and to walk. It has way more resistance than I thought it would. Jake was swimming around with Ethan and we squished him between us. I said "boom you crashed" and Ethan goes "noo, baby sleeping!" He's slowly catching onto the baby idea and its the cutest thing.

We asked if we could take a tour of the birthing areas and she said to try to schedule for Sunday's as there are more nurses and they don't schedule inductions or c-sections on Sunday's. I can't wait to check it out so that I can start picturing how things will be in my head. I'm SO anxious to start our Hypnobirthing classes.

I've had a hard time with eating. I usually eat pretty well, not a lot of junk food or anything. I try to get a lot of protein so I hopefully don't get migraines but one day we were so busy that I had fast food twice that day. I felt soooo bad I cried that night and was stressing about my weight gain. So I told Shelley I didn't want to know HOW much I weigh, just how much I've gained overall. She told me 10 pounds so that was a huge relief. I don't feel as if I've gained more than that, I'm all boobs and belly. I haven't noticed anything besides those two areas getting bigger. I just have to keep in mind to eat better the next day if I eat crappy the day before. I eat a lot of salads and veggies and since the boys all love fruit I eat a lot of that too. I just need to remember to eat something like that when I'm craving something crap.

After the appointment we finished our Christmas shopping for the boys. The two things I'm the most excited for are Nathan's "Creationary" game. You apparently roll the LEGO® Dice to select one of four exciting building categories: vehicles, buildings, nature or things and draw a card and whatever the picture is on the card you have to use Lego's to build it and the other people have to guess.

A game Nathan I picked out for Ethan is a Play-Doh game. You have to create a figure and get your way around the board on a conveyor type belt. Your opponent can squash your figure at some point and put you in a recycle box and how the rest goes I won't know till we get to play. I love me some Play-Doh so I'm pretty excited for this game. Plus if anything happens to the Play-Doh I can make the homemade stuff :)

I think that's about it. I haven't hit the stage of pregnancy where I can only eat a few bites, I'm hungrier than every lately so I'm off to find some snack.

The things boys say...

Sunday morning we picked up the boys as usual except Nathan's mom had been yelling at him because he couldn't find his gloves and hat. Instead of helping she just yelled and told him it was all his fault and blah blah blah. Nathan walked out in tears and I wanted to get out and drop kick her face. What a horrible way to start his morning. We decided since he was so upset and it wasn't a good start to the morning already that we'd try to get it off to a better start. We asked Ethan if he wanted to go to "the train place." Nathan croaked from underneath his jacket where he was crying "yes". The Train place is Frank's Diner. Its an old sleeper car that was turned into a dining car and when retired became a restaurant. They have AMAZING breakfast!. Frank's Diner

I however was in my pajama's. We pick them up at 8am and usually come straight home so this side trip was unexpected. We didn't tell the boys the quick change in plans so as we pulled into the driveway Ethan looks puzzled and goes "hey this not the train place!" I'm pretty sure he thought we had lied to him. We had to explain that Nathan and I needed to change and then we'd go have breakfast.

Once we got home we were relaxing and Ethan walks up behind Jake and whispers, "Come get me daddy." So the antics began. He chased them around the house, flipped em around, they walked on the ceiling etc etc. At one point Jake has Nathan all wrapped up in his arms and I hear "I would body slam you but..." Immediately I'm thinking "oh brother I am sooo not ready for this. Thank god we have hardwood floors so he wont." As a kid I rocked the mud pies and the snowmobiling, camping, fishing, hunting. I had no issue being a complete tomboy but as I've gotten older and the maternal side has begun to show itself, I panic when I think of the kids getting injured. In between the laughing the boys bring will be minor heart attacks. At least I will be forever young having to keep up with the four of them and all their crazy boy things!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I called a lady I found on the website about Hypnobirthing. Since Jake only has Sunday's and Monday's off I was trying to find a class that was on a Monday. I highly doubted that we'd find one who had any on Sunday's. A few emails later she responded that Sunday's at 5 are a possibility. I emailed back as soon as I ran it by Jake and here we are. Our classes will be Sunday's starting January 9th and I'm so excited. I'm glad that even though this costs $250.00 that its what I want to do and that Jake is supportive of it. 

For those who are curious Hypnobirthing basically just teaches you relaxation techniques and goes in depth on how the body births naturally. In places like America we're so used to hearing horror stories and expecting pain that we fight what our bodies are naturally made to do. People in other countries usually have uncomplicated births with no pains because they don't tense up and stop their body from doing what its made to. Your body naturally produces endorphins when you work with it and that in turn overpowers any pain. Most people clench up and fight contractions rather than breathing through them. When you're not relaxed your body can't open and when you forcefully push your child out of areas that aren't relaxed you're bound to feel pain. Your body will let you know when its ready and will do what it was created to do.

Inducing is forcing your body into a labor its not ready for yet. I'm not against inducing if its a medical emergency and needs to be done. So many mothers do it just because they're tired of being pregnant or they want the baby born on a certain day. They missed the memo where becoming a parent is putting your child's needs above your own. Your baby NEEDS to stay in there as long as it takes to fully develop and prepare for its journey into the world. So many times inducing leads to c-sections because you end up as "failure to progress" because your body isn't fully prepared for this labor. It should happen on its own time.

I'm also not against the use of medication. Some people just aren't mentally prepared, have a high pain tolerance or know what to expect. Some people I suppose actually need medication. I personally don't want to be drugged out of my mind. I want to be sanely sober and experience what God created me to do. I want to feel my body working as it should as it brings a life into the world and I want to experience every emotion that comes with welcoming your child into another world than its known. I want my baby to come out and react the way nature intends him to, not differently because he was affected by any drugs.

I'm thinking positive that these classes will pay off and that I can give birth naturally. I'm going to avoid all thoughts that I can't do it and that I'll need medication. I don't want to hear people's horror stories, every birth is different. It may come down to a point where I need medication and if that's the case I'll take what I need as I need it, but until them I'm going to fight like hell to do it my way. After all that's what I've been doing most of my life.

and we're developing...

Some strength and personality. I felt Emery's hiccups for the first time December 3rd. I laughed everytime, it only lasted for about 8 little breaths though and I haven't felt them since.

He HATES when I lay on my left side and lay more on my tummy than my side. He starts kicking like crazy until I lay more on my side than belly. He doesn't care when I lay on my right side either. Jake said he doesn't like standing on his head :)

He's been the most active after I eat my favorite foods. Thanksgiving dinner. I had turkey, mashed potatoes/gravy, olives, a roll and a slice of pumpkin pie. Last night after I had dinner at Heather's house he was kicking around after I ate ham, cheesy potatoes and a cheddar bay roll. Apparently my little man loves his meat, potatoes and rolls just like mommy.

I can't wait to see how much more of a personality he starts to develop in the next few weeks. I can't wait until he can kick daddy's hand when we're sleeping at night and Jake has his arm around me. I can't wait until he recognizes the boy's voices and will get excited. I can't wait for them to be able to feel him move. I try to get Ethan to talk to the baby but he still doesn't quite get it. He always brings me a blanket though and says something about the baby getting cold.

Besides the morning sickness and my horrendous migraines I get sometimes I'm loving the pregnancy thing. It's so amazing to know that there's this little thing inside me who's always with me and gets to enjoy my horrible singing everyday on the way to work. Sometimes I think he can read my thoughts because whenever I think of him or that I haven't felt him move he always squirms around like he's telling me he's still there.

I've decided that instead of buying a bedding set I'm going to make my own. 

These are the sheets I've decided on. I'm going to make my own crib bumpers. I think I'll go with a chocolate brown that matches the owl's. I'm going to get the 1 or 2" thick satiny ribbon and sew it onto the bumpers where needed to attach to the crib spindles. Then he'll just need his quilt. I don't want to spend almost 200 dollars for a bedding set that he only gets to use the bumpers and sheets from. They usually can't use the comforter so no point in wasting money. Plus it allows me to be crafty :) Jake's mom is quite the seamstress. She's made Jake's niece Kenna so many adorable and very well sewn outfits for her American Girl doll. She's reupholstered his sister-in-laws chair and who knows what else. Maybe she can teach me a thing or two.

I also can't stop thinking about the camera I want. We're going to need our tax returns for an SUV I think. His car isn't going to work so well with 2 car seats and a booster seat along with the fact that there is no room for camping gear or all of our stuff if we go on a trip. I REALLY wish I could get THIS with my tax return. It would allow me to have priceless pictures of the baby and the boys, along with all my other photography I'm constantly craving. 

I'm torn. I'm also starving so this will be the end of this rambling post! You're welcome.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Need to remember...

All the funny things that the boys do. They don't have baby books to keep track of all this like we will for Emery so I have to put it down here.

The little things they say and do, Ethan more so than his brother but it still cannot be forgotten.

I love the way he calls pop tarts pop-arts and toaster strudels toaster-trudels.
Brother is brudder.
They way that most days he has such amazing manners. He always says please and thank you and has recently caught on to you're welcome.
He loves to tell everyone good job or nice job, sometimes over the silliest things like Jake giving me a kiss. "Good job daddy."
This morning leaving for work I gave him a kiss and went to give Jake one and Ethan piped up that I hadn't given brudder a kiss. We laughed and I asked Nathan if he wanted a kiss and he said no. I usually don't give him a hug or a kiss because I know he might get embarassed. The few times he's wanted on he gives me one, but I always tell him bye and love you.
The way he calls his helicopter the helicopper.
Fall down, go boom, ow.
The way he looks at me when I've told him to quiet down and he's hammering away on a truck wheel and stops to tell me "I make a noise Kayda."

I'll have to keep updating this as we go and as I remember things, but I want a way to look back and show him someday how silly he is and how blessed we are to have him make our days so much brighter.

Nathan was making meatballs for our spaghetti Sunday evening and Ethan walks up and asks if he can make a snowman.

1.10.11 I'm putting on makeup in the bathroom. Ethan walks in and asks what it is. I explain its makeup. He said something and I told him its for girls and not for boys. He said "I'm not a boy." I asked if he had a penis and he said yes. I told him boys have penis' so he is a boy. He then proceeds to say "daddy is a boy? He has a big giant penis." I cracked up laughing, couldn't help it. He's so funny. I always wonder how he interprets things he see's, how any kids or babies see the world around them. It's just funny that since he's little everything daddy has is big or huge.