Friday, December 31, 2010

Christmas Crazy

I've hit the 3rd trimester exhaustion early. I'm so tired all the time. 2 hours after waking up and I'm ready for a nap. We had a long day on Christmas Eve. The boys loved their toys. Ethan is obsessed with his train table and allllllllllllllllllll the train stuff. I mean allllllllllllll because we got a HUGE set, and 2 big sets. We have train pieces coming out of our ears.  Nathan is loving his Creationary game. Do you know how hard it is to create a mouse or a sheep out of Lego's?! Nearly impossible. It's a lot of fun though. I've won every game so far. I'm a good guesser. The boys' mom tried to start drama on Xmas Eve but thankfully we had had a great day with them so it didn't phase us. I can't even wait until April. We'll have Emery with us and hopefully two weeks after that we'll have custody of the boys.  My sister came to town and oh my goodness my niece is the cutest thing. She didn't cry ever and she was soooo cuddly. She LOVED the boys and Uncle Jake. She's 6 weeks and was just smiling away at them when they were talking to her. Jake melted my heart holding her. He was so good with her. Talking to her and cuddling with her. I can't wait to see him with Emery. Ethan tried to give her a kiss and I told him it had to be on the forehead so she wouldn't get icky germs and Kassie said it was ok on the cheek. He kept coming over and giving her kisses on the cheek and gently touching her hair. For 2 1/2 he was EXTREMELY gentle with her. Jake only told Nathan to be gentle because he was more of the poking type. They each held her for a few minutes. I think they're pretty excited for a little one.
Cuddling with Uncle Jake

Picture this face whenever the boys or Jake talked to her.

She was mean mugging Auntie the entire first day I met her, even after I changed a poopy diaper!
Enough of all that. Blogger is the worst for typing a blog and inserting pictures. Screws up the formatting every single time. Off to bed. Maybe I'll be more motivated to blog later.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I've been feeling Emery kick from the outside. He's a stubborn one though and Jake always misses out. On Sunday Jake got to feel him for the first time. It was really subtle so we're waiting for a better kick from him. However, Nathan REALLY got to feel him. He was doing his crazy kickboxing and I told Nathan to come here and I put his hand on my belly and pushed in a little and Emery thumped him a good one a couple times. Nathan's eyes got so big and he smiled. I of course, got teary eyed and wanted to cry. It was just one of "those" moments for me. Its like he now believed there is really a little brother in there. I'm not sure if Ethan felt it or not, he may have felt a little one. 

Monday we went shopping and Ethan wasn't paying attention and bumped into me, I told him he needed to watch where he was going and he comes up to me and puts his little hand on my belly and says "feel bebe?" I didn't hear him the first time, I thought he was telling the baby sorry for bumping into us but he did it again a couple seconds later and I explained the baby was probably sleeping and not kicking right then. I'm glad that the boys are getting excited about it, its becoming so real. 

This week (24) the baby is the size of a papaya so at the store I pointed one out to the boys as I do with the fruit or vegetable it correlates to in size that week. It's like a little science project and I really enjoy it. I think it helps Nathan picture whats going on in there. I was surprised how big a papaya is and how big my little one is already. As I'm typing this Emery started kicking. It's so crazy to look down and see my belly move. It blows my mind how much I can love something that I've barely seen and never met. We have 16 weeks to go and I'm getting so anxious!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Fed Up.

Beware lest ye harm any soul, or make any heart to sorrow; lest ye wound any man with your words, be he known to you or a stranger, be he friend or foe.

I am so fed up with family. Family is supposed to be the one thing you can fall back on and have their support when you need it. I'm glad that I'm in Spokane and I don't have to see a lot of what happens back home. I really wish my mom and sister would move here and get away from all of the bullshit.

My mom is the most selfless person I've ever met, Jake falls right behind her. My mom worked 2 and 3 jobs while married to my dad just to make ends meet because someone had a selfish spending habit. My mom never failed in providing exactly what we needed when my parents divorced, my sister and I never went without. It hurts to know how ungrateful we were at times and how much we hurt her. Ignorant teenagers! The important thing is that we know now, we have an endless respect for her.

I may be putting some people on blast but I don't even give a shit. I am so tired of no one standing up for themselves. My mom is wayyyy too nice to say anything to anyone. She doesn't want hurt feelings and doesn't want the drama that this person ALWAYS starts over shit they can't accept. No one walks over me or my family and close friends. I am the one person who will be the bitch and stand up and speak their mind.

Lets start off with how many times this family member has sunk themselves and my mom has bailed them out. My mom is responsible with her money and works hard and has held numerous jobs to have it. That family has no sense of priority in how their money is spent and always gets themselves to the point they're constantly borrowing money. How long did my mom had to wait before she was paid back and all the stuff she had to do to get paid back?

How my mom had something signed over into her name so that when they had to file bankruptcy they could have some shred of normalcy. I doubt my mom ever got a thank you. It was expected of her.

How many times my mom has watched their children or provided support when they need to vent about how horrible their marriage is and that they have no friends.

How many times my mom has done their hair or nails? That product is EXPENSIVE. I haven't even went and bought myself a new bottle of monomer because its about $38.00. They expect my mom to do their hair or nails whenever they want and for their children and whatever friends this family member brings, now that she has friends. You know what my mom did? She gave me 4oz of monomer from her supply the last time Jake and I went home. I was very grateful and said THANK YOU! Because that's the polite thing to do. They don't pay my mom or pitch in for product. I doubt she even gets a thank you.

My mom asked for a referral for a job and they told her "we don't do that for anyone anymore." I am in tears thinking about how hurt my mom felt. She has done nothing but help these people and that's what she gets in return?! Absolute bullshit.

Her and my sister just babysat the kids so that they could both work. My mom needed help with her snow blower and the one family member said "what are you going to do to help me?" WOW. FUCK YOU and then some. Pardon my language but I am so livid. If home wasn't 4 hours away and afraid of going into preterm labor I'd be banging on a door telling them exactly how shit is.

I won't even get started on the shitty example they are for their children and how much of a failure they are as parents. All I can do is be thankful that I didn't have the childhood their children did, that my mom is honest, loyal and one of the hardest workers I've met. She's worked for everything she has, while these people can't catch a clue no matter how many times they fail.

All I can say is have some respect. If you want something done, be willing to pay. If my mom wasn't doing it your ass would be in a salon paying $45 for a set of nails for $60-$130.00 for your haircolor of highlights. Its not hard to hand over 5 or 10 dollars to help for the cost of product. If you can't swing it that time THANK the person. A thank you can go a long ways. Family is the one thing you do not take for granted. My mother is the one person you do not walk over.

And since you're such a stand up Christian or like to think you are, pick up that black book and look up Matthew 7:12. In case you can't put the beer down to pick up the book I'll tell you what it says. "All things, therefore, that YOU want men to do to YOU, YOU also must likewise do to them, this, in fact, is what the Law and the Prophets mean"

Meaning if you would want to be paid for a service, then you also need to pay when you receive a service. If you want to be treated with respect then you need to treat others with respect. The Golden Rule is simple. 

Respect your family and support them. Do not take them for granted. I'm so tired of hearing of my mom being taken advantage of. Be an adult, apologize for what you've done wrong and try to rectify the situation and be a better person in the future. The last thing you need is to be cut out by your family. Then you're really up shit creek when you irresponsibly blow your paychecks and can't afford groceries, your house payment, your car payment or paying off your bills. 

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

OB Appt + Random Stuff.

We had our OB appointment yesterday. My blood pressure was great like always. Emery's heartbeat was 144 and was so strong sounding. It amazes me every time I hear it how much more loud and strong it sounds. I hardly ever have questions for the doctor since I knew a lot to begin with and I read so much. I did ask when other people will start to feel him kicking and she said in the next 2-3 weeks probably. I can't wait for Jake and the boys to be able to feel him.

Next appointment is my glucose test. I'm going to be sooo sick. I can't stand super sugary things. Especially after not being able to eat anything all morning. We can't go any earlier than 10am because we have to drop Nathan off at school and then take Ethan to Grandma and Papa's house. I'll be starving to death and then puking up sugar water i'm sure. So. Not. Excited. After that appointment our appointments will be every 2 weeks. I can't believe we're almost there! Eeeeeh!

Sunday we went swimming and I was trying to do my water exercises I looked up online. One of them is to hold a kick board vertical in front of you submerged and to walk. It has way more resistance than I thought it would. Jake was swimming around with Ethan and we squished him between us. I said "boom you crashed" and Ethan goes "noo, baby sleeping!" He's slowly catching onto the baby idea and its the cutest thing.

We asked if we could take a tour of the birthing areas and she said to try to schedule for Sunday's as there are more nurses and they don't schedule inductions or c-sections on Sunday's. I can't wait to check it out so that I can start picturing how things will be in my head. I'm SO anxious to start our Hypnobirthing classes.

I've had a hard time with eating. I usually eat pretty well, not a lot of junk food or anything. I try to get a lot of protein so I hopefully don't get migraines but one day we were so busy that I had fast food twice that day. I felt soooo bad I cried that night and was stressing about my weight gain. So I told Shelley I didn't want to know HOW much I weigh, just how much I've gained overall. She told me 10 pounds so that was a huge relief. I don't feel as if I've gained more than that, I'm all boobs and belly. I haven't noticed anything besides those two areas getting bigger. I just have to keep in mind to eat better the next day if I eat crappy the day before. I eat a lot of salads and veggies and since the boys all love fruit I eat a lot of that too. I just need to remember to eat something like that when I'm craving something crap.

After the appointment we finished our Christmas shopping for the boys. The two things I'm the most excited for are Nathan's "Creationary" game. You apparently roll the LEGO® Dice to select one of four exciting building categories: vehicles, buildings, nature or things and draw a card and whatever the picture is on the card you have to use Lego's to build it and the other people have to guess.

A game Nathan I picked out for Ethan is a Play-Doh game. You have to create a figure and get your way around the board on a conveyor type belt. Your opponent can squash your figure at some point and put you in a recycle box and how the rest goes I won't know till we get to play. I love me some Play-Doh so I'm pretty excited for this game. Plus if anything happens to the Play-Doh I can make the homemade stuff :)

I think that's about it. I haven't hit the stage of pregnancy where I can only eat a few bites, I'm hungrier than every lately so I'm off to find some snack.

The things boys say...

Sunday morning we picked up the boys as usual except Nathan's mom had been yelling at him because he couldn't find his gloves and hat. Instead of helping she just yelled and told him it was all his fault and blah blah blah. Nathan walked out in tears and I wanted to get out and drop kick her face. What a horrible way to start his morning. We decided since he was so upset and it wasn't a good start to the morning already that we'd try to get it off to a better start. We asked Ethan if he wanted to go to "the train place." Nathan croaked from underneath his jacket where he was crying "yes". The Train place is Frank's Diner. Its an old sleeper car that was turned into a dining car and when retired became a restaurant. They have AMAZING breakfast!. Frank's Diner

I however was in my pajama's. We pick them up at 8am and usually come straight home so this side trip was unexpected. We didn't tell the boys the quick change in plans so as we pulled into the driveway Ethan looks puzzled and goes "hey this not the train place!" I'm pretty sure he thought we had lied to him. We had to explain that Nathan and I needed to change and then we'd go have breakfast.

Once we got home we were relaxing and Ethan walks up behind Jake and whispers, "Come get me daddy." So the antics began. He chased them around the house, flipped em around, they walked on the ceiling etc etc. At one point Jake has Nathan all wrapped up in his arms and I hear "I would body slam you but..." Immediately I'm thinking "oh brother I am sooo not ready for this. Thank god we have hardwood floors so he wont." As a kid I rocked the mud pies and the snowmobiling, camping, fishing, hunting. I had no issue being a complete tomboy but as I've gotten older and the maternal side has begun to show itself, I panic when I think of the kids getting injured. In between the laughing the boys bring will be minor heart attacks. At least I will be forever young having to keep up with the four of them and all their crazy boy things!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I called a lady I found on the website about Hypnobirthing. Since Jake only has Sunday's and Monday's off I was trying to find a class that was on a Monday. I highly doubted that we'd find one who had any on Sunday's. A few emails later she responded that Sunday's at 5 are a possibility. I emailed back as soon as I ran it by Jake and here we are. Our classes will be Sunday's starting January 9th and I'm so excited. I'm glad that even though this costs $250.00 that its what I want to do and that Jake is supportive of it. 

For those who are curious Hypnobirthing basically just teaches you relaxation techniques and goes in depth on how the body births naturally. In places like America we're so used to hearing horror stories and expecting pain that we fight what our bodies are naturally made to do. People in other countries usually have uncomplicated births with no pains because they don't tense up and stop their body from doing what its made to. Your body naturally produces endorphins when you work with it and that in turn overpowers any pain. Most people clench up and fight contractions rather than breathing through them. When you're not relaxed your body can't open and when you forcefully push your child out of areas that aren't relaxed you're bound to feel pain. Your body will let you know when its ready and will do what it was created to do.

Inducing is forcing your body into a labor its not ready for yet. I'm not against inducing if its a medical emergency and needs to be done. So many mothers do it just because they're tired of being pregnant or they want the baby born on a certain day. They missed the memo where becoming a parent is putting your child's needs above your own. Your baby NEEDS to stay in there as long as it takes to fully develop and prepare for its journey into the world. So many times inducing leads to c-sections because you end up as "failure to progress" because your body isn't fully prepared for this labor. It should happen on its own time.

I'm also not against the use of medication. Some people just aren't mentally prepared, have a high pain tolerance or know what to expect. Some people I suppose actually need medication. I personally don't want to be drugged out of my mind. I want to be sanely sober and experience what God created me to do. I want to feel my body working as it should as it brings a life into the world and I want to experience every emotion that comes with welcoming your child into another world than its known. I want my baby to come out and react the way nature intends him to, not differently because he was affected by any drugs.

I'm thinking positive that these classes will pay off and that I can give birth naturally. I'm going to avoid all thoughts that I can't do it and that I'll need medication. I don't want to hear people's horror stories, every birth is different. It may come down to a point where I need medication and if that's the case I'll take what I need as I need it, but until them I'm going to fight like hell to do it my way. After all that's what I've been doing most of my life.

and we're developing...

Some strength and personality. I felt Emery's hiccups for the first time December 3rd. I laughed everytime, it only lasted for about 8 little breaths though and I haven't felt them since.

He HATES when I lay on my left side and lay more on my tummy than my side. He starts kicking like crazy until I lay more on my side than belly. He doesn't care when I lay on my right side either. Jake said he doesn't like standing on his head :)

He's been the most active after I eat my favorite foods. Thanksgiving dinner. I had turkey, mashed potatoes/gravy, olives, a roll and a slice of pumpkin pie. Last night after I had dinner at Heather's house he was kicking around after I ate ham, cheesy potatoes and a cheddar bay roll. Apparently my little man loves his meat, potatoes and rolls just like mommy.

I can't wait to see how much more of a personality he starts to develop in the next few weeks. I can't wait until he can kick daddy's hand when we're sleeping at night and Jake has his arm around me. I can't wait until he recognizes the boy's voices and will get excited. I can't wait for them to be able to feel him move. I try to get Ethan to talk to the baby but he still doesn't quite get it. He always brings me a blanket though and says something about the baby getting cold.

Besides the morning sickness and my horrendous migraines I get sometimes I'm loving the pregnancy thing. It's so amazing to know that there's this little thing inside me who's always with me and gets to enjoy my horrible singing everyday on the way to work. Sometimes I think he can read my thoughts because whenever I think of him or that I haven't felt him move he always squirms around like he's telling me he's still there.

I've decided that instead of buying a bedding set I'm going to make my own. 

These are the sheets I've decided on. I'm going to make my own crib bumpers. I think I'll go with a chocolate brown that matches the owl's. I'm going to get the 1 or 2" thick satiny ribbon and sew it onto the bumpers where needed to attach to the crib spindles. Then he'll just need his quilt. I don't want to spend almost 200 dollars for a bedding set that he only gets to use the bumpers and sheets from. They usually can't use the comforter so no point in wasting money. Plus it allows me to be crafty :) Jake's mom is quite the seamstress. She's made Jake's niece Kenna so many adorable and very well sewn outfits for her American Girl doll. She's reupholstered his sister-in-laws chair and who knows what else. Maybe she can teach me a thing or two.

I also can't stop thinking about the camera I want. We're going to need our tax returns for an SUV I think. His car isn't going to work so well with 2 car seats and a booster seat along with the fact that there is no room for camping gear or all of our stuff if we go on a trip. I REALLY wish I could get THIS with my tax return. It would allow me to have priceless pictures of the baby and the boys, along with all my other photography I'm constantly craving. 

I'm torn. I'm also starving so this will be the end of this rambling post! You're welcome.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Need to remember...

All the funny things that the boys do. They don't have baby books to keep track of all this like we will for Emery so I have to put it down here.

The little things they say and do, Ethan more so than his brother but it still cannot be forgotten.

I love the way he calls pop tarts pop-arts and toaster strudels toaster-trudels.
Brother is brudder.
They way that most days he has such amazing manners. He always says please and thank you and has recently caught on to you're welcome.
He loves to tell everyone good job or nice job, sometimes over the silliest things like Jake giving me a kiss. "Good job daddy."
This morning leaving for work I gave him a kiss and went to give Jake one and Ethan piped up that I hadn't given brudder a kiss. We laughed and I asked Nathan if he wanted a kiss and he said no. I usually don't give him a hug or a kiss because I know he might get embarassed. The few times he's wanted on he gives me one, but I always tell him bye and love you.
The way he calls his helicopter the helicopper.
Fall down, go boom, ow.
The way he looks at me when I've told him to quiet down and he's hammering away on a truck wheel and stops to tell me "I make a noise Kayda."

I'll have to keep updating this as we go and as I remember things, but I want a way to look back and show him someday how silly he is and how blessed we are to have him make our days so much brighter.

Nathan was making meatballs for our spaghetti Sunday evening and Ethan walks up and asks if he can make a snowman.

1.10.11 I'm putting on makeup in the bathroom. Ethan walks in and asks what it is. I explain its makeup. He said something and I told him its for girls and not for boys. He said "I'm not a boy." I asked if he had a penis and he said yes. I told him boys have penis' so he is a boy. He then proceeds to say "daddy is a boy? He has a big giant penis." I cracked up laughing, couldn't help it. He's so funny. I always wonder how he interprets things he see's, how any kids or babies see the world around them. It's just funny that since he's little everything daddy has is big or huge.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

My Slice of Heaven + 20W6D

My favorite body wash is Johnson and Johnson Lavender and Chamomile "Melt Away Stress". 

I used to get it at Walmart and suddenly I couldn't find it anymore. Target didn't have it either. I went into panic mode thinking it was discontinued. The stuff is soooo heavenly. Last night after my bath I realized "OMFG I'm officially out of the best stuff on earth and I can't find it anywhere." *cue frantic online searching* Thankfully it's still in production just not sold at Walmart or Target for some reason. I almost ordered it online for $6.49 when I decided I'd check 2 for $8.98. HECK YES! 

So this morning we run off to Motherhood Maternity to get me a belly band. It seems too stretchy, my sisters seems to be more of a thick stretchy fabric where as mine is Lycra or something thin and stretchy. I may have to check out Target's to see how theirs feels. After that we found daddy a beanie for work so his head and ears aren't being frostbitten in this cold weather when he has road calls and has to go fix a bus. Then we finally went to Walgreen's and I purchased my slice of heaven in a bottle. I highly suggest you all try it. It's not overwhelming at all and makes you want to stay in the bath forever. I'm off to a bath now and I'm going to splurge and go for extra bubbles just because I have a 2nd back up bottle. Whoop!

Baby Bump at 20W6D (with belly band) don't mind the back fat haha.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Prenatal Pilates

Whew boy. My abs are tender. I overall enjoyed the workout and apparently Emery does as well. He's kicking away in there. I'm only 20 weeks along and already some of his jabs are taking my breath away. Last night he got a few "oh!'s" out of me.

The work outs are pretty fast paced. She almost added too many moves into one on a couple of them. I couldn't keep up on those 2 so I did what I could of them. I don't want to overdo it the first time. 20 minutes was up when it only seemed like 5. I like that they're 10 minutes each so they keep you engaged without getting bored.

I tried the Standing Pilates and they need dumbbells but since I don't have any I just used two cans of corn. HAHA. Tomorrow I need to get a belly band so I'll just pick up the weights while we are out. I also did the core Pilates and those were pretty good. Definitely works on your belly muscles.

I only am doing the 2 sets tonight so I'm not overdoing it plus I've been fighting a headache all day and I don't want too much blood pressure turning it into a migraine...and I really want a bubble bath and to read on my Hypnobirthing book. I'm off to my bath now.

P.S. When did your significant other start being able to feel the baby kick from the outside? I SWEAR I felt him kick when I pressed in with my hand. It was much stronger than when I can feel my pulse if I press in. Jake is getting anxious to feel the baby and with as hard as he's goofing off in there I figure it should be sometime shortly. *fingers crossed*

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


And so it begins again. Every year I have things to be thankful for. Usually they're all the same but this year I was blessed with 3 amazing boys who have turned my life into so much more.

-I am so thankful that Jake walked into my life. That we've worked through all our little tiny issues and that he's so supportive and understanding. 
-I'm so thankful for the boys as they've taught me love and patience, the kind you never have until there are kids in your life.
-I'm so thankful that despite being told I'd never have babies that my body worked against them and I'm housing a rambunctious and healthy little thing in my body.
-I'm so thankful that my family adores Jake and is so supportive. I in return adore his family and am thankful for all their support and understanding.
-I'm thankful that I have a job even though most days I absolutely cannot stand it. I'm lucky to have a job in this economy and one who has been understanding of the pregnancy and willing to work with me on appointments.

There's so much more to be thankful for such as housing and health etc that I don't even need to mention those.

In case I've missed something or you have something to share. Please feel free :)

I hope everyone has a wonderful day tomorrow with family. Laugh your hearts out, enjoy your time with loved ones, leave with full bellies, take too many pictures and be grateful for all the little things, not everyone is as lucky as we are. Not everyone has a warm loving home or even knows what a full tummy is. We all have our differences and hardships but we could all be so much worse off so enjoy and be thankful.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I'm officially halfway there. 3 Days ago anyway. Not a lot has been happening around here. Just laying low with the boys while they were here. 

We have a ton of snow dumped on us so I'm staying in today since Jake went to work. I ordered some Bio Oil and some Palmer's Cocoa Butter. My belly itches but I'm sure its due to dry skin and weather. Either way I'm going to try to do this regularly just as some prevention. I also read that the amniotic fluid is replenished 3 times a day. I feel sooo guilty for not drinking all the water I need to be so I've been trying really hard to make sure I'm drinking enough. That way baby is being cared for, my chapped lips and headaches go away and hopefully help hold off stretch marks for awhile.

Emery has been a complete turkey lately. I've felt him all over which is exciting. Last night I had a bite size snickers and he was going crazy after that! I always wonder what he's doing in there and how he's laying and such. I've gotten to the point where I lay in bed in the morning and wonder what he's gonna look like and how he is going to act. I mostly can't wait to just touch all his little toes and his little fingers with dimples and his adorable little ears. Ohhh how I love babies, its so much more intense when its your own though.

I've made progress on his quilt. It's not perfect but I think its cute. I only have about 3 more rows to sew together and then hopefully tomorrow Jake and I are going to work on the borders. The cream squares are a thin fabric so we decided to get a really thin layer of fill to put in between the layers. I can't wait to bring him home all bundled up in it.

No luck on finding any owl theme bedding. The one I wanted is $360. Uhhh no way. I tried Amazon and couldn't find it for any less than $250.00. Maybe I'll get just the sheets and get some plain colored bumpers. We have so many expenses that are coming up that I'm not really worried about a bedding set. I don't want to spend a fortune so I may just put some pieces together and call it good.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Yesterday Jake signed up himself and the boys at the YMCA. I already had a membership and was paying for it every month but never going because I'm either working or I want the quality time with the boys. Now that winter is here our outdoor activities are severely limited. We can only do so many crafts and I need to the exercise being pregnant. I don't want to gain too much, as I've already spent 3 weeks nibbling on Halloween candy and my pecan pie. After the pie is gone I'm back to making sure I just eat healthy stuff. I don't want a huge baby and I don't want to develop gestational diabetes.

So today we got Ethan, ate breakfast and headed off to the Y. We played around in the shallow area for a LONG time. He was having a good day because he started off with me. He trusts me enough to jump right at me and know that I'll catch him. We did that over and over and floated around. Every time Jake or I would float he'd rush over and pull our heads out of the water. "I help you." We were quite impressed that he knows what needs to be done. He biffed it a few times and went under. The first time he really panicked and started crying. I told him to just wipe his eyes, it's just like bath time and its just water. He seemed like he was going to be scared to get back in so I told him to watch and I went under the water. He laughed and realized it wasn't so bad. By the third time he went under he didn't fuss at all. He came up looking shocked but just shook it off and continued on. He's such a smart little thing. Hopefully after a few more trips to the pool he'll really be confident and try floating around with us. Nathan will be ecstatic to go on Sunday. The kid is like I am, he LOVES water. He's going to be excited that he doesn't have to wear a life jacket though he's going to be really bummed that he can't use the hot tub. You have to be 15+. Jake and I went in and we let Ethan sit on the side and just put his feet in, not even his legs just his feet and the lifeguard came rushing over and told us that's not allowed. Man, a 2.5 year old just may die of heat exhaustion from his feet being in a hot tub for the 5 minutes I'm allowed. Whatever though, I'm sure he was just doing his job so we just got back in the pool.

I then spent 5 minutes in the hot tub as my doctor gave the ok on 5 minutes. It was sooo nice to have the hard jets pulsing against my lower back and my feet. Ahhhhhh. I never wanted to get out.

I also got the first 'are you pregnant' today. Except he was probably 4 and phrased it 'is there a baby in your belly?' I told him yes and he asked 'why?' I explained he had to stay there and grow a little bigger and he informed me babies don't grow in tummies. They grow outside. As interesting as that may be I need Emery to stay inside for another 3 months and grow big in his swimming pool. Then he can go swimming with his brothers and mommy won't have a meltdown :)

Tomorrow I get to watch Jake's little nephew Gavin for a couple hours before work. He is the cutest little thing, I can't even wait. So its most definitely bed time for me. Somehow I stayed up until 11:30pm last night when I'm usually passed out before 9:30. I've been paying for it allllll day.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The spoiling begins.

One day after we find out we're having a boy I'm already getting crafty. I've discovered this owl obsession. I love crafty unique things. Etsy is always a favorite play to look around and "ooh" and "ahh" over the things I'll never splurge on for myself. Unfortunately nothing that poked my creative side. However...

There was an adorable stuffed owl toy in one of the pregnancy magazines in the doctors office that inspired me. I got online and searched around for something similar to make and found this little guy. 

He came complete with a pattern. You can find him at oh-oh the owl

Today we went to Joann's Fabric and picked out fabrics. He also has felt for his eyes and feathers so we had to find that. We ended up with.... 

The paisley type print is going to be his front and the yellow will be for the back and bottom. He's going to have brown "hair" feathers. Green eyes with big black buttons that Jake picked out and brown, light brown and an orange feather on his chest. I think he's going to be pretty cute. I also want to find some lavender satchels or something that I can put inside him so he smells good and will be good for the baby to snuggle with when he gets older. I didn't quite realize how big the pattern really was so Emery won't be packing him around for quite a while. He's a good 14" or so inches tall I believe it said.

Secondly, I've always wanted to make a quilt. I love quilts and wish I had my own growing up. So I'm making the baby a quilt. I have to keep it simple for my first one but I'm so ready. I want the colors to somewhat match but I wanted different patterns to make it neater looking. My definition of neater being funkier not cleaner and precise. Jake and I looked for a good hour at fabrics I'm sure. I'm so glad he likes crafty stuff and always has ideas. (And he can get my sewing machine set up and everything) I gave up on trying to find an owl fabric and suddenly there he was with and it was PERFECT! So this is what we have....

The stripes are going to be the edging and the entire back piece. I'm going to alternate the owl's every other square. 

So Dark Brown, Owl, Light Brown, Owl, Dark Brown
Owl, Light Brown, Owl, Dark Brown, Owl
Light Brown, Owl, Dark Brown, Owl, Light Brown 
etc etc.

So the squares will moving down and to the left one piece. I think we decided the quilt is going to be 3' Wide by 4' Long. I hope it turns out alright. The whole point is it will be original and unique and mostly made with love. Hopefully it'll last a long time and can be passed down. 

Lastly....Daddy practicing with my sewing machine.

That's it for my crafty-ness as of right now. I'm exhausted. Probably because somehow Jake set his alarm for 7am instead of 8am and we never paid attention. We had no idea what time it was until we went to pick up the boys and she told Jake it was only 8 and he's not getting them until 9. BLAH. We are so tired and he has another hour and a half left of work. I'm gonna go waddle myself into my cozy bed and pass the heck out. Lucky me, poor him.

Epic Breakdown

Yesterday was so rough. I accepted it was a boy, I KNEW it was going to a boy. The tech told us a boy and that was that. I was just kind of in shock all day. I still can't get over the fact that there is this little mango sized baby in my belly, just flipping around content, sitting almost cross legged with a hand up by his face and the other kind of behind is back. Just the way daddy likes to sleep. I was so thankful that he was healthy as I've held my breath (but not for too long) before every appointment hoping that everything would be fine. I went into this thinking I couldn't have babies and suddenly here is this little tiny boy inside me. 

All day I was pretty fine with it. I was emotional all around. Jake had somehow gotten cranky that morning. I woke up just wanting him to be so excited that we would find out what our little baby was and instead he was cranky and storming around. I didn't know what I had done or why he was being that way and I just went into bed and cried. Then I called my mom and talked to her and my sister for awhile until I got less emotional. Then off to the doctor. After the appointment I had Jake with me and we went to lunch and ran a couple errands after the appointment. I was in my own little world. Then Jake went to work and I was reading blogs before I had to and crying. Was I disappointed? Was I really so selfish to be disappointed that I was having a boy instead of a girl and instead being thankful that I was having a baby at all, and so far a very healthy one?

I read this blog Nella Cordelia Birth Story and I BAWLED. I sobbed and sobbed till I almost couldn't breathe. I gathered myself as I had to go to work, my eyes all puffy and my nose sniffly. I made it through work without having a break down and got home. Jake and I were texting and he said he was wondering what our baby's hair would be like. I answered that I thought it would be dark like ours but in between my curly and his SUPER straight hair. He ended up saying something about how the baby would probably be just like him and I broke down. I started crying. I realized I wasn't disappointed that I wasn't having a girl but I was insecure. My baby wouldn't really have any of my features and he wouldn't be able to go get pedicures with me and all the girly stuff moms do with their daughters. Instead he'd be a boy and he'd be doing boy stuff with his dad and his brothers. I felt like I'd be missing out on so much. I grew up around only girls, sure I was a tom boy but I had little girl cousins and little sisters. How could I ever relate to a boy? How could I ever be on his level? Then I think of the boys and how they act out and I was scared ours would do that. Ethan only ever wants his daddy. I rarely get hugs or kisses anymore. I'm sure its because of their awful mom telling them things out of jealousy. I tried telling myself it's because they have a horrible "mom" who does nothing with them and they know of no discipline at her house. I KNOW that our baby will ALWAYS have a loving home with two loving parents and would never have to be that way. Jake reminded me that Ethan is so much better than he ever was and is better with me everyday. He reminded me of Monday night when we made tacos for dinner. Ethan ate so well by himself. We didn't have to remind him to take bites or drink less juice. He ate and ate. He ate so many tangerines slices that Jake peeled. Jake gets so busy that he forgets to eat his own dinner so when the boys wanted another tangerine I sat down to peel it. I have a citrus peeler from Tupperware and Ethan was waiting patiently standing beside me. I asked him if he'd like to help and he nodded and said yes. I pulled him up on my lap and explained the peeler and he helped me peel it. He was gobbling down the pieces just as quickly as I could get the seeds out and at one point he turned and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was one of those little moments you don't forget. That was the reason I woke up smiling the next morning that the boys were there. I cried harder when I remembered this. Jake tried his best to listen to me through texts and have responses but I think he was at a loss. His boys always want him, he is their hero so he had no idea how I was feeling. I cried harder because I felt so guilty. I felt like everything was selfishness on my part and would my baby feel like it was unwanted? Did it feel like I was disappointed?

I got a good nights sleep and woke up feeling so much better today. I'm NOT disappointed I'm having a boy. I was just scared that I wouldn't be good enough. That I wouldn't be "daddy" and all they wanted like Ethan only wants daddy. I will be this little boys mommy. The woman who carried him in her womb for 9 months, the one who talked to her baby when she was alone, the one who prayed that he'd be safe and healthy every night. I will feed him and cherish every moment he's tucked into my side. I will be his role model, I'll kiss his boo boo's, I'll teach him his colors and numbers and alphabet. I'll teach how to be a gentleman and hold the doors open. I'll teach him manners and read him bedtime stories and kiss him in at night. I'll be the very best I can be to my little guy and where I may fall short his amazing daddy will be there to teach and love. I am so not disappointed to have a boy. I am so very blessed. I am so blessed to have 3 amazing guys in my life and the love of my life on his way into the world in a few short months. I know that when I hold him for the first time I'll fall even farther in love that I could have ever imagined. I can't wait to meet my little Emery Jacob.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Daddy gave us "Y" - XY

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !

That's right. We're having a little boy. He was quite stubborn and quite the squirming little thing. He liked moving his legs around with his adorable little feet. He had one hand up by his face. His head is on my left side and he was laying on his tummy which made it difficult to see. We couldn't get a definite close of pic of his parts but the tech was pretty positive we have a little boy. Baby's heart rate was 149. Baby was measuring about 5 days ahead but wasn't enough for Sara to change my due date to April 5th so we're still planning for April 10th. He's just gonna be a tall boy like his daddy. I KNEW we'd have a boy even though I couldn't listen to my intuition because of so many different thoughts. Today has been FAR too emotional for me so I shall conclude this with pictures until I know that I'm not gonna start sobbing writing a post. 


Close up Profile

All I can hear is Ethan's little voice saying "penis" LMAO

Baby's Bear Claw :)


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Oh. My. Gosh.

Can't. Stop. Sneezing.

All day I've been sneezing. ALL FREAKING DAY. I sneeze about 6 times between clients, twice while they're in my chair. Everyone's looking at me all crazy because I can't. stop. sneezing.

Here's to hoping I'll have a cold when I go into labor. Who needs pushing? I can just sneeze the baby out.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Oh P.S.

My sister is either having a c-section tomorrow or being induced.

Jake thinks he wins the bet because she is coming early. I told him he does not win because the doctors are making her have her because she's a big baby. If she wasn't such a chub then I'm sure Kassie would be having her right around her due date. 

Either way I can't wait to meet Miss Hadley. I'm sure she is going to be beautiful. I can't wait to get to Montana and visit her when she finally makes her arrival. Best thoughts to my sisser for an uncomplicated delivery and speedy recovery. I love you!

And in 4 days (in just a couple hours) we'll be finding out if Hadley will have a little girly cousin to play with or a boy to rough house with.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Told You So!

I woke up this morning prepared for our visit to a lawyer, Nathan's appointment afterwards and all the other running around we had to do. I also had to work 3-8. I noticed when I woke up that I had a missed call from a local number so I checked the voice mail and it was Urgent Care calling and to call them back. I call them back and they proceed to tell me that I have strep throat. I told the doctor it was that or a sinus infection. For some reason they didn't want to listen. I can usually be a trooper when it comes to getting sick and don't go to the doctor until I have to, but being pregnant the last thing I want is to be waiting out a week and passing any sort of infection onto the baby. You'd think they'd take you a little more seriously when you're looking out for the interest of the baby, its not like I'm just looking for drugs to dope on. Pregnant women also have a lower immunity to keep from harming the baby so we get sicker easier and quicker. Whatever though. I had another run around with the pharmacy and had to take it to the one that my insurance works directly through. Finally got my medicine and made sure it was safe for the baby. They didn't think it would cause any allergic reactions in the baby. Some babies develop allergies to medications their parents took while pregnant so that's something we'll have to look for once "it's" born and when the time comes that "it" any antibiotics. Hopefully breast feeding will keep our little one very healthy for a long time :)

Ethan was still stuffy this morning and I could tell his tonsils were swollen from his talking so I'm sure I caught it from him even though they said he didn't have strep either. So tomorrow we probably have to take him back to the doctor to have a culture done since his "mother" won't make the time to take him. On top of that Ethan gives kisses on the mouth so between myself and Ethan I'm sure Jake will have it. At least we all can get it within a short amount of time and get it over with. I've been running around wiping everything down with Lysol wipes and sprayed down all of Ethan's toys with a disinfectant. We definitely are going to be working on kisses on the cheek and not the mouth. With as often as those boys are sick Jake, myself and the baby cannot afford being sick all the time. 

I called into work as soon as I found out at 8:30am that I was contagious and not able to work today. My manager of course didn't answer her phone or the stores and never returned my call. So I called back 2 hours ago to make sure she got it and knew that I wouldn't be in and to see if she wanted me to find coverage. I offered yesterday to work Saturday for whoever filled in for me yesterday and she told me no all snotty. Today she told me they were busy and she didn't call me back. I asked if she wanted me to find coverage and she immediately gets attitude that "NO I'll stay and work ALL DAY again." I wanted to bite her head off back but instead I said that I was sorry and thank you for covering. Then she asked all bitchy if I was working Saturday then and I said yes I will and what time to be there. It irritates me that she gets all this attitude with me all the time. I have a doctors note and I've offered to work on my day off to cover that. She acts like I call in allll the time and have never covered for anyone else. Sure, its an inconvenience but she can either have one person out sick or I can go in to work, infect everyone else and then she's having to help cover 3 weeks worth of work because the other 6 girls got sick. Why be a manager if you're gonna be a wench about having to cover. That's what managers have to do when stuff like this comes up. Her attitude makes it SO hard to have any drive to go back to work tomorrow when she's gonna have attitude and she's the one I have to close with. But what can I do?

grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

P.S. 6 days until we have a gender and I won't have to call my baby "It". Weeeee :D

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I'm sure I have a sinus infection. They're chronic. Thank you dad for your terrible sinus genes. I get a sinus infection every fall. Never fails. It used to be strep throat as a kid and somehow turned into sinus infections as I got older.

My head is so congested and making me dizzy, my throat is on fire, ears all plugged up and so off to the doctor I went. Strep was no even though they're going to culture it and call in 3 days if it is. I couldn't go to doctor I wanted because they didn't have an appointment until 3pm and I was hoping to go to work. I had to go to Urgent Care and man they suck. She just blew me off about everything. I KNOW when I have something that I get EVERY year. So instead she told me to get nasal spray and use that. I get to spend the next couple days getting progressively worse until someone will believe that I am truly sick and not just being a whiner about a cold.

Either way I missed work. I feel soooo bad when I miss work. We need the money. We have a baby on the way, we're paying a lawyer to get custody of the boys so they can have the safe, stable, loving environment that every child deserves and then I miss work and lose out on an 8hr shift. I feel terrible, I feel guilty. Jake works so hard for us and then I'm a big weeny who can't go to work and he has to work harder. He even picked up an 8 hour shift of overtime on Sunday from 10pm-6:30am. I need to find a way to make money from home because I can't stand thinking of how hard he works and how lazy I look. It makes me really emotional thinking about it and I've done really well on controlling the emotional side lately.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Last night I slept sooooooo great. Thank you Sara for the amazing medicine. I woke up this morning feeling like a million bucks. Great sleep and no migraine. Man I was excited.

I had a dream. I had an adorable baby boy who was born April 3rd. Jake and I were sitting yesterday guessing when I'd have the baby. I said I'd probably be on time or overdue. He disagreed and said the 3rd or that week sometime. Of course in my dream its the 3rd. The baby was so cute though and so little, I just held him the entire dream and wouldn't share. The best part...the baby had two legs. Not a fin. No merman baby for me.

13 days until we find out. 2 1/2 hours and then its only 12 days. Can you feel the excitement?!?!?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Migraines = Death

Holy wow. I woke up yesterday with a migraine. Puked that morning from pain. Tylenol didn't help. My head was buzzing and I was nauseous so I took a Benadryl to make myself sleep and off to nap time Jake and I went. Slept from 11:45 to who even knows. 4 something. Thank goodness for Benadryl, it never fails to put me into the best sleep coma ever. I managed to make it to girls night for dinner and tried to keep drinking lots of water thinking maybe it was dehydration. Usually with a migraine I can take an ibuprofen and pass out and it'll be gone. Not this time. After we went to bed I woke up about 5 times during the night with a throbbing head. Woke up feeling the same this morning. Round 2 of puking. Went off to work and was standing in the back room when my head started spinning, I got REALLY flushed and nauseous, ears ringing and vision blurred. I sat down really quickly before I passed out. I was too nauseous to drink my coffee I got because sometimes caffeine can help. I finally called the doctor because I couldn't tolerate the pain much longer and I couldn't risk doing a haircut and passing out with shears in my hand. I'm definitely not looking to perform a C-Section on myself. No way jose. I called the doctor and they wanted to me to come in and check my blood pressure and the baby. I believe the blood pressure check was due to preclampsia. Signs of preclampsia are:
  • High blood pressure (hypertension) — 140/90 millimeters of mercury (mm Hg) or greater — documented on two occasions, at least six hours but no more than seven days apart
  • Excess protein in your urine (proteinuria)
  • Severe headaches
  • Changes in vision, including temporary loss of vision, blurred vision or light sensitivity
  • Upper abdominal pain, usually under your ribs on the right side
  • Nausea or vomiting
  • Dizziness
  • Decreased urine output
  • Sudden weight gain, typically more than 2 pounds (.9 kilograms) a week
I happened to have the severe headaches, the nausea and vomiting, dizziness and the changes in vision. Thankfully my blood pressure was awesome like it usually is and the baby's heartbeat was 144. She said its just migraines and gave me two prescriptions. One has 3 things in it, one of them being caffeine. That's what I took when I got home and so far its helped as long as I don't get up for long or my head starts pounding. The 2nd is for nausea and to help me sleep.

We saw Sara today who is Shelley's other half basically. She was SO nice. She wrote me a note for work and told me to go home and take a nap. Too bad I've had no nap yet because we went on an adventure trying to fill my prescriptions. We tried to go to Albertsons. She took my prescriptions and said 20 minutes. I go back 20 minutes later and they told me that since I'm on State Medical that I cannot pay out of pocket or they'll kick me off it and so I must go to a Group Health pharmacy and have it filled. First of all I'm not a broke ass, I just am a "single" mother and can't afford a birth with no insurance. I guess if the state wants to pay EVERYTHING then go right ahead. I just figured I'd pay for what I could so I'm not some mooch. I was so upset because that's just more driving and I wanted to lay down. I was already trying not to barf in the car and the sun was blazing in my corneas. I'm too short for the visors in the car to do me any good and my sunglasses just weren't dark enough. Damn you Steve Madden! I was moaning and groaning about the pain every 5 minutes. Poor Jake probably wanted to just drag me behind the car. Would have probably done us both some good but fortunately he tolerated me. I bet he was excited to be able to go to work ;)

I feel so much better now that I'm not ready to go lay in bed and die. We find out what the baby is in TWO weeks. TWO! My god it was 12 weeks at one point. We are so excited!

This medicine is finally working at making me sleepy and reading these blogs are making me sick to my stomach. Stupid vision getting messed up by this baby. It better be the sweetest, most healthy little fart in the world for all I've had to deal with. It could be much worse and I'm very grateful that this is all I've had to go through, but I'd really like to be able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. Here's to hopin!

Friday, October 29, 2010


I've had a few issues with work lately. In fact yesterday was the last straw for me. My manager made a rude comment that was completely unprofessional. With all the crap I've put up with silently I called the franchise owner to discuss it with her. We're supposed to sit down on Tuesday to discuss everything, the three of us. Today though I got to work and my manager asked to speak with me. She asked what happened yesterday and I told her exactly what happened and why I was so put off with her attitude and comment. She basically told me that I can't be mad at her because she won't give me Sunday's off and doesn't want there to be any awkwardness for us working together. 

She asked why I wasn't my happy chatty self at work. I explained that for 2 months I was sick with morning sickness and trying not to barf all day and then I've had to deal with people who can't do their job and I have to try to pick up the slack. I told her I was at the point where I just come in to do my job and leave at the end of the night. I don't feel like knowing all the dirty details of people's drama when we have our own drama at home. I told her that this whole battle over the boys has really had me in another world. She said she just didn't understand. I explained that Sunday is our ONE day with Nathan because during the week when we have visitation from 9am-1pm Nathan is in school. So when I work Sunday's I miss out on any activities we can do that day and I'm not able to be a positive female role model in his life. I said that she just didn't seem to understand that yet her schedule is made so that she can see her kids. I told her that she gets to go home to her kids every night and tuck them in and Sunday and Monday is the only day we get to do that. She basically told me that she doesn't feel for me and can't be sympathetic because they're not mine where as her kids are HERS. They are not biologically mine. So apparently if you're a parent who adopts a child, you don't love them and wouldn't give them the world because they're not YOURS. If you're a step parent you can't love them because they're not YOURS. All because they already have a mom and a dad. I explained yes they have a mom who birthed them, but she is NOT a mother in any way. I've stepped up and tried to be the mom they haven't had. I started crying at work because I was SO pissed off that she could say this. That just because I'm a girlfriend and I didn't give birth to those children that I don't love them the same or more than their biological mom. I don't think I've ever heard such an ignorant comment before. I was really just stunned. Then she pretended to give a shit about what those boys go through and give me a hug. I really just wanted to walk out. Instead I just collected myself and went about work. 

I have no respect for her anymore. Work is not going to get any better. It's most definitely time to start looking for another job. A job where I can make my hours so that I can have all the time I want with those boys. 

On a better note....I felt the baby move for the first time today. I went and got a pedicure with Beth and then we went to lunch. I was sitting still listening to her chat away and I felt this little tap tap tap in the center of my belly. They weren't all in the same spot but less than a half inch apart. I was stunned. I was like "whoa, I think that was the baby." I tried to see if it was going to happen again. I usually get a muscle twitch that twitches 3 or 4 times on my left side, then stops and then happens again. Didn't happen and didn't feel the same so I'm assuming it was the little one. I'm gonna start paying attention even more to see if it happens again anytime soon. It felt nothing like a "butterfly" it was definitely a little tapping inside. I'm so excited!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Pumpkins Round 2

Ethan's new thing: Having his shirt off.

The set-up. Ignore the messy desk which is still in an unorganized disarray 
until I sort through another 5 years of stuff.







Kayla's (Bats above houses, I didn't like the graveyard idea)